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Share your favorite Sam and Max Quotes

posted by StrongBrush1 on - last edited - Viewed by 7.6K users
Just a thread to have you share your favorite quotes from the Sam and Max games.

My Personal Favorite:
Sam: This phone only takes Dutch guilder Coins.
Max: Sorry, all I have is some Yuan, a couple of Euros, and about six bucks in Italian Lira.
Sam: Where do you keep all that change?
Max: In my sock, of course.
Sam: You're naked! Where do you keep your sock?
Max: THAT is none of your damn business.

What's your favorite?
145 Comments - Linear Discussion: Classic Style
  • I can't operate it. Computers in hell all run on linux.
  • I still like the bit when you click the director's chair in Situation: Comedy.

    SAM: Hey, Max, this director's chair has a falling star on it!
    MAX: Twinkle twinkle, little star. How I wonder how you'll CRASH AND BURN!
  • Ooh... too many! If I have to choose (assuming we can pick more than one):

    The one you said.

    Sam: We'll get that gorilla where it hurts the most!
    Max: Right in the penal zone!
    Superball: I get it sir.

    Sam: Does he have any weaknesses? Like the colour yellow? Or he can't cross running water?
    Max: Or yellow water? (Or something similar)
    Sam: I know what you are thinking Max, and stop it.

    Just some that I remembered off the top of my head (I have lots more. I post again if I can remember any more). Must replay the first two seasons again.
  • I know you are hiding a cow in there!
  • Off the top of my head from the current game...
    Max: Nothing says "beloved ruler" like a ubiquitous surveillance network.

    From Season 2 ("look at" file cabinet), paraphrased...
    Sam: Where's our last case, Max?
    Max: It's filed under W for "Waste of our lives, comma, a freakin' huge."
    (I played Seasons 1 & 2 with my nephew, 7 or 8 at the time, and "filed under W" is a running inside joke for us.)
  • didn't we already have this thread?


    MAx: Since when do you have money and where do you keep it?
    Sam: A: WE've been saving a fortune by living out of the DeSoto, and B: None of your damn business

    close neough
  • "Do you have any...cheat codes for Reality 2.0?"
  • For me they have to be...
    Sam: Howdy, you must be this "lord" we've heard so much about.
    Max: We're Sam & Max, Freelance...
    Lord of Central Park: ASSASSINS!!
    Max: ...Well, if you insist
    Sam: Nah, he's kidding, we're not assassins, we're Sam & Max, Freelance Police!
    (from the animated series, episode We Drop at Dawn), also:

    Old Lady: Can I go back there and pick up a box of fruit hoops?
    Max: Not unless you want a simulacrum to swim down your throat and possess the hell out of you! Beat it, lady! (Beast from the Cereal Aisle) and:

    Sam: A zebra can't drive a moon buggy or any kind of car for that matter. Zebras don't have hands!
    Max: My god you're right Sam, the gorilla should be driving! I think you're on to something, we better play dumb.
    Sam: You mean starting now? (Bay day on the Moon)
  • Sam: Talk slow. I'm an American!
  • Here's Some By episode:

    Culture Shock:
    Max: I'm about ready to wring your scrawny, trash-eating neck.
    Jimmy: You think you're scary?
    Sam: You don't know where his hands have been.
    Max: Or when I last washed them.

    Situation Comedy:
    Bosco: Blast! Blimey! Bollocks! The little blighter did it again! After him.. I mean, uh.. tally-ho. (Sam and Max look at each other) Tally-ho, foo'!

    The Mole, The Mob and the Meatball:
    Sam: Leonard Steakcharmer, huh? You don't look like a Leonard Steakcharmer.
    Leonard: Oh, yeah? What do I look like?
    Max: You look more like a... Boris Krinkle.
    Leonard: That's what everyone says!

    Abe Lincoln Must Die:
    Max: This election reminds me of a droll story. It seems Chester A. Arthur and the Pope were kayaking up the amazon one day. Suddenly a kandiru fish swims up the Pope's *censored* and lodges itself in his *censored*. Then Arthur grabs the Pope's *censored* pliers and *censored* swelled up like a melon. And he sai, "Thanks. Last time that happened, McKinley wanted to *censored*!" Wait, wait. I think I told it wrong.

    Reality 2.0:
    Sam: Hot rump.
    Max: Wow. That rump is... hot!
    Sam: Ooookay.

    Bright Side of the Moon:
    Bosco: No earthquakes in the house!

    Ice Station Santa:
    Sam: It's the North pole, the magnetic center of the earth.
    Max: Magnetism? Don't tell me you're one of those kooks.
    Sam: You don't believe in Magnetism?
    Max: It's an interesting theory, but I'm not convinced. Your magnetism is a cute bedtime story, but I believe in one thing. (He pulls out his gun, which gets stuck to the pole. He pulls it off) Okay, fine. I guess I can believe in two things, but that's my limit!

    Moai Better Blues:
    Sam: Why does the triangle have such a grudge against all those boats and planes?
    Bosco:The triangle got a bad rap for that. Scientists say those accidents were caused by sudden, explosive outbursts of methane gas.
    Max: Speaking of which...
    Sam: Max, don't!
    Max: What? I was just going to point out that several phenomena, long believed to have supernatural causes, have turned out to be more mundane in origin. Only one phenomena continues to baffle scientists and defy rational explanation.
    Bosco: What's that? (Max farts)

    Night of the Raving Dead:
    Max: Can zombies drive?
    Sam: I don't see why not. My license is just as expired as it was when I was alive.

    Chariots of the Dogs:
    Grandpa Stinky: Are you the parents of those two brats?
    Sam: Not exactly.
    Max: Although we do still have a time machine, so I wouldn't rule out the possibility.

    What's New, Beelzebub:
    Sam: It's a list of swear words. *censored*, *censored*, *censored*, *censored*, *censored*, *censored*, and *censored*.

    The Penal Zone:
    Sam: So was that what you were doing in our office last seas... I mean, a few months ago? Protecting us?
    Superball: Uh, sure. Why not.
    Max: Wow, I feel very close to you right now. (He holds Superball's hand)
    Superball: Likewise, sir. A bit TOO close. (He backs away)

    Tomb of Sammun-Mak
    Sameth: I'd like to inspect your trunks.
    Elf: I bet you would, creep!
    Sameth: That didn't come out right. (Knocks again) What I meant before was, I'd like to lay my hands on a chest.
    Elf: Well, keep your hands off mine, weirdo!
    Maximus: Wow, Sameth, I never knew you had such a thing for elves. You think you know a guy...

    They Stole Max's Brain:
    Sam: (seeing himself do a dance in the future) Talk about chilling visions of the future.
    Sammun-Mak: We are not amused.
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