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Let's Play 'Flight of the Amazon Queen'

posted by St_Eddie on - last edited - Viewed by 22.9K users
Let's Play 'Flight of the Amazon Queen'


I first purchased this game as a 13 year old kid, back in 1995. Although I have completed it a couple of times, it's been many years since I last did so. Therefore, replaying this game is sure to feel rather fresh.

The only other thing I want to say before we begin is that I genuinely enjoy playing this game and have very fond memories of it. I only say this because the tone of this let's play will be fairly humorous and at times, playfully mocking but I wouldn't want anyone to think that I was slagging off the game.

Without further adieu, let's get started...

The game certainly doesn't try to break convention as we start on a cut-scene; where we find our smart mouthed hero, Joe King (it's best to get used to the cringe inducing puns in this game), pilot for hire, tied up in a warehouse with his date.

The reason they are tied up is because the lady is the girlfriend of a walking cliché of a mob boss. He found out about his girl's infidelity and was none too pleased to say the least. Also, it's interesting to see that Prince has an uncredited cameo as the gangster on the right!

"You Dirty Rat!"

The gangster has avoided common sense by failing to shoot them (well actually common sense would be filing for divorce but gangsters are prone to becoming a bit grumpy) and has instead rigged up a bomb to explode. It looks like curtains for our dating couple and the tension is palpable. Of course this is still the opening cinematic, so we know that Joe will be okay.

Our saving grace comes in the form a very ungraceful entrance. Standing in a bathtub (for some inexplicable reason) is our good pal, Sparky; who enters by crashing through the roof.

The warehouse explodes moments after we make our escape, with the mob boss still inside. You'd think that he would have vacated the premises considering he set the bomb to go off but I've come to the conclusion that he probably suffers from short term memory loss.

Rather than taking a much deserved day off work, Joe is more concerned with collecting his latest paying passenger; the famous movie star, Faye Russel. You certainly couldn't say that he's not dedicated to his job.

However, once we arrive at the venue where Faye is staying we find Anderson standing in her dressing room. Everyone has an arch-nemesis; David has Goliath, Holmes has Moriarty, Wile E. Coyote has Road Runner and Joe has Anderson (a rival pilot for hire).

Anderson explains that he intends to steal Faye away from us, as his own passenger. He then locks the door (which is made of solid steal... um, why?!), thus trapping us in the room.

And so the true adventure begins. Currently Joe is carrying his diary (used to save and load games) and a baseball bat. I'm not sure as to why Joe carries a bat with him. Maybe he's prone to a spot of impromptu baseball!

"Nah, I carry this partly out of... I don't know. What's the word?"

I decide that the bat may be put to good use by smashing the window to the right but Joe informs me that it's made of bullet-proof glass! This is getting ridiculous, why in tarnation does Faye Russel need a solid steal door and a bullet-proof glass window?! Is she a high priority target for the assassins of the world? I can only assume that she's received death threats from an obsessed fan (the same kind that I regularly send to Charlize Theron).

Seeming as I can't break the window, perhaps I can shout to my pal Sparky for help, who's stood outside reading his favourite comic, 'Commander Rocket'. My attempts to gain his attention are fruitless however because the glass is not only bullet-proof but also sound-proof (but of course).

All is not lost however as upon picking up some sheets strewn across the floor, I discover a laundry shoot. Now call me over-zealous when it comes to health and safety if you like, but isn't a GIANT FUCKING HOLE IN THE GROUND just a tad dangerous?! Never-mind, at least it's an escape route.

I knot the two sheets together, tie them to the nearby radiator and descend the chute.


... hold on! If I'm simply sliding down the chute, then why in blazes did I need to tie together those sheets?! Ho hum, a slide's always fun so I'm not going to complain.

Being the sex crazed (and starved) maniac that I am, the first thing that I'm interested in investigating are these novelty boobies (heh heh... boobies)! I pick up a pair (they might come in handy on a cold, lonely winters night) and admire the unbeatable craftsmanship...

"Unbeatable? Au contraire."

Anywayyyyyy... I take the stairs up to the lobby but unfortunately my escape route is being guarded by a couple more gangsters. I immediately spy a rather handy key on the bell boy's desk and attempt to pick it up. Naturally, the staff is not going to let that happen so I talk to him and exhaust all of the dialogue options but to no avail.

I also try to press the bell on the desk but it cannot be achieved, which is a shame because I love to ring the desk bell multiple times in adventure games when the assistant is already standing there. It usually winds them up to no end! You've missed a trick here, developers.

It's worth pointing out that the bell boy's voice sounds like a cross between these two...

Kermit the Frog (anthropomorphised frog thing)

Beek Nariz (the elephant man's uglier brother)

... You'd think that the manager of the venue would want to have someone with a slightly less ludicrous voice manning the front desk but clearly the manager is an equal opportunities employer, so I'm not going to berate him for being a nice chap.

Feeling as though I'm now out of options, I attempt to sneak past the gangsters but they spot me. The short one sounds just like Marlon Brando and the tall one looks like David Prowse in 'The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy' (as evidenced at 2:15 in this clip). Therefore, I shall henceforth refer to them as Brando & Prowse.

Brando & Prowse lock me back in Faye's room and... remove my clothes. They claim that this might discourage me from attempting to escape again but quite frankly, I have my suspicions that they're just a couple of horny perverts!

I then spend the next 10 minutes wondering back and forth between the different areas, absolutely clueless as to what I need to do next. Out of desperation, I try interacting with every object in every logical way possible... still no luck.

Then I try talking to the bell boy again, only to find a new dialogue option. It turns out that you have to look at the key before this option will appear! Grr... bloody adventure games!

Anyway, now that I have the key to the dressing room; I head on down there...

... to be confronted by Joe's ex-girlfriend, Lola. She's awful mad at Joe for dumping her and the two have a humorous back and forth.

Lola hops in to the shower and conveniently has her private areas covered by patches of steam on the glass (how very 'Austin Powers'). Lola agrees to help us escape if we retrieve a towel for her (I guess she's rather easily pleased). Luckily, I have one to hand and Lola soon explains her plan to us.

The plan is to dress me Joe up in ladies clothing, so that I can pass the gangsters upstairs unnoticed. Joe attaches the boobies (heh heh... boobies), puts on a wig found in Faye's room and slips on the dress.

A 'Maniac Mansion' style cut-scene is triggered...

... in which we are introduced to a quite clearly insane Doctor named Ironstein (I did warn you about the awful puns). However, for the purposes of this let's play, I shall call him Dr. Fruitloop.

Speaking to his lackey, Dr. Fruitloop explains his retarded genius master plan to turn Amazonian women into dinosaur people. I'm sure it's a dream we've all had at some point or another, right alongside world peace and sleeping with Charlize Theron.

In order to show the process of the transformation to the player his lackey, Dr. Fruitloop fires up the machine...

"Transmogrification process initiated."
I couldn't help but notice that the sound that the machine makes is the same iconic sound effect made by the opening of doors in 'Doom'. Tsk tsk, developers!

Dr. Fruitloop then explains that he will now activate the 'Aggression Enhancer'...
... but he's clearly not left the beta stage of development yet!

Sadly for Dr. Fruitloop (but thankfully for the women of the Amazon) he's run out of test subjects. Unfortunately that's not going to stop an ambitious young ancient go-getter like Dr. Fruitloop though...


Seriously, this guy's so corny that I'm surprised the developers didn't have him cackle in an evil manner...

... oh, they did.

The cut-scene has finished and we return to Joe Joanne, as we prepare to exit the hotel. We succeed and Sparky drives us away but the goons do a double-take and realise that was no lady!

Marlon & Prowse give chase and open fire at Joe. Because this is an adventure game, they're shots are less on target than a blind Stormtrooper's.

"Hey! I'd totally blow your head off for that remark... if I wasn't such a rubbish shot!"

Luckily there's a canister of oil on the back of the truck, so I chuck it at the car and it's "adios amigos". That just leaves one thing; for Joe to make a Schwarzenegger-esque quip...

Pure poetry!

We catch up with Anderson (the cad!) just as he's about to fly away with Faye using our plane (the extra-double-bastard cad).

Joe uses his subtle negotiation skills to... punch Anderson out cold. Sparky then appears to join us on our flight.

Nuts! Our plane has been hit by lightning and it looks like we're going down...

Hmm, I sense the beginning of a familiar relationship ...


Well, that's it for Part 1.
165 Comments - Linear Discussion: Classic Style
  • User Avatar Image
    puzzlebox Telltale Staff
    St_Eddie wrote: »
    Joe King (it's best to get used to the cringe inducing puns in this game)

    To be honest I always expected Joe and Faye to get together at the end, just for the Joe King / Faye King gag. :p

    This is great stuff, definitely got some laughs out of me! I look forward to the next installment with anticipation.
  • puzzlebox wrote: »
    To be honest I always expected Joe and Faye to get together at the end, just for the Joe King / Faye King gag. :p

    Oh wow, I'd never considered that. :D

    Looks like I now know what the final gag I'll be making for my let's play will be, thanks to you. :)
  • St_Eddie wrote: »
    I've added a few updates to part 2, so those who've already read it may want to have a second look. The new stuff consists of pictures and photos outside of the game itself, so they should be easy enough to spot!

    It felt like there was something missing, and that was it. Keep it up!
  • Aw. Every time I see someone's posted in this thread I keep thinking it's the next part. And then I look at who posted and it's not. Stop getting my hopes up! I can't live like this! YOU ARE TEARING ME APART, PEOPLE!
  • No you're not. You're just saying that to get me to shut up.

    (I'm the one who's actually sorry, I seem to be a bit mad this afternoon/evening. Video editing'll do that to you.)
  • Aw. Every time I see someone's posted in this thread I keep thinking it's the next part. And then I look at who posted and it's not. Stop getting my hopes up! I can't live like this! YOU ARE TEARING ME APART, PEOPLE!

    I'm sorry if you were thinking this post might have been Part 3 but I just thought I'd let you know that I'm going to have a shower, watch 'The Simpsons', eat my dinner and then I'll get started on Part 3. I promise that it'll be uploaded at some point tonight. :)
  • Gah! That was mean! Slapped wrists all round.

    ...but not slapped so hard you can't work. I do want you to keep up with this, after all. :)
  • Let's Play 'Flight of the Amazon Queen'
    Part 3: 'Insulting the Locals (aka 'Joe the Jerk)'

    Following Part 2 and my inability to get past the gorilla; forum user, Jennifer suggested suspending all disbelief in my approach. Following her advice, I resort to trying to talk to the gorilla. Yeah, like that's going to work!


    "You've gotta be fucking kidding!"

    The conversation with the anthropomorphic creature continues and it's not long before we are playing a game of charades... I shit you not.
    Whereas I can't believe that the developers had me playing charades with an ape.

    As thoroughly "amusing" as all of this is, it's really not helping me to get past our idiotic irritant. The solution to this problem makes just about as much sense as a talking primate...


    ... at which point the gorilla disappears up it's own paradox...
    ...but not before briefly transforming into Mr. DNA from 'Jurassic Park'.

    "That's 'Mr. Damn Nonsensical Ape' to you!"

    This whole scenario seemed so ridiculous and far fetched that I had to take a moment to stop playing and come up with a rational explanation for what just occurred.

    I came the conclusion that Dr. Fruitloop designed a robotic simian as a guard to keep unwanted visitors away from his lab.

    ADVERTISEMENT: Another fine product from Fruitloop Incorporated. *Disclaimer: Robot Gorilla may be prone to constantly initiating a game of charades. No refunds.

    What Joe did was introduce a state of cognitive dissonance within the artificial intelligence of the robot, causing it to explode...

    "Does not compute!"

    ... Either that or the developers simply dropped a bollock on this one!

    I'm betting everything on 'bollock'.

    It's time for another cut-scene...

    Faye is sick of waiting for Joe to return and who can blame her, considering that Joe has spent the last three years trying to get passed an ape.

    Out of frustration, Faye chucks her expensive bottle of perfume into the lake, which is a pretty short sighted thing to do...
    ... after-all, you never know when you might need to spray some perfume on a stinky elephant's head.

    Disposing of a valued personal possession may seem like a fairly random thing for Faye to do but the developers clearly intended this scene to give her character extra depth by showing her impending mental breakdown add an extra item to the player's inventory.

    Unfortunately because Faye has never acted in a horror movie before, she decides to split up and go looking for help all by herself. However, I'm sure that this will have no adverse consequences whatsoever. I mean, it's not like there's a mad scientist lurking in the jungle, ready to kidnap her and try to turn her into a dinosaur-woman hybrid or anything...

    ...Oh right, him! Oh well, if the worst comes to the worst then Faye could always star in the next 'Jurassic Park' movie. As a bonus, it'll also save the studio a small fortune in special effects!

    I head on back to the crash site in an attempt to retrieve the perfume but Joe is wary of the piranhas again and for some unexplained reason we're unable to distract them with the last of our beef jerky, as we did previously.

    "Beef jerky will no longer suffice, human. We now demand a virgin sacrifice."

    "... and a shrubbery."

    Bloody hell, Joe! He's sat right in front of you! You should change your name by deed pole to 'Joe Foo King Rood'.

    Sparky is attempting to fix the engine by filing down the damage on it; a great mechanic he is not!

    Joe asks Sparky if he can have the file.

    Joe's finger nails.

    However, Sparky refuses to provide Joe with the tool until he has provided him with a replacement 'Commander Rocket' comic. Hmm, I wonder why he's being so unhelpful...
    One minute prior.

    This is going nowhere fast so I head back to the now gorilla-less path and proceed onwards.

    I reach a view of the surrounding area, which acts as a map for selectable locations. First stop; Trader Bob.

    Upon arrival, Joe immediately insults a local!

    "Mr. Foo King Rood, we present to you this award for 'Nice Guy of the Year' with no small amount of sarcasm."

    Joe continues to bully the confused pygmy, who remains silent (this is probably due to the poor sod suffering from low self-esteem and trying to hold back the tears). Joe decides to stop being a jerk for all of 2 minutes and walks into the village.

    First we'll try to talk to the chief of the village...

    ROUGH TRANSLATION: "Of course not! What do you think I am?! A gorilla or something!"

    I'm starting to think that I'm playing the wrong game. This is 'Flight of the Amazon Queen', right? Not 'Asshole Simulator '95'?!

    I head into Trader Bob's shop and am greeted by the man himself. I notice that the dog from the Scumm Bar parrot that we came across earlier is sat on a perch.

    I ask Bob about what the parrot had told me earlier...

    Bob dishes out the local gossip...
    Stop press! Joe in 'asking a constructive question' shocker!

    Because there's nothing conspicuous about a Lederhosen company in the middle of the Amazon Jungle!

    Lederhosen; it's all the rage with the tribes of today.

    Bob says that he knows Princess Azura personally and asks me to rescue her. He claims that he can't do so himself because he's a lazy coward the kidnappers know that he is friends with Azura and that Joe will stand a better chance of getting near her.

    Joe forgets that he's trying to find a way out of the jungle and save his friends' lives and agrees to help Bob instead.

    I end my conversation with Bob and notice his beef jerky jar is empty. Bob has been selling beef jerky from his store but has run out and is waiting for supplies. What is it with beef jerky and this game?!

    'Flight of the Amazon Queen', brought to you in association with Blamo's Beef Jerky; serving you the finest in beef jerky since 1806.

    I offer Bob the last of my beef jerky.
    Sounds good to me.
    What. The. Fuck. Shut the hell up, Joe. I'm in charge here and I say take the God damn money. What do you think I am, a charity?

    No. I insist.

    I hand the jerky over to Bob, take the money and give Joe an evil stare for attempting to screw me over. Bob then tells me that's he's starving (yeah, he really looks it. The skin is just draping off his bones) and wolfs down the beef jerky. For a man named 'Trader Bob', you'd think that he'd know not to consume his own stock. It's hardly a surprise that his fucking jar was empty!

    I think you meant to say 'Incompetent Trader Bob'.

    Now that I have some money; it's time to have a look at the goods in the store...

    Let's start by looking at some alcohol...
    Good for you, Joe.
    Uhhhh... admitting that you're in denial is the first step to recovery, Joe.

    What's this? A film reel.
    A Swedish wildlife film? I'm imaging something like this...

    "And here we observe the wondrous ABBA creatures, grazing amongst their natural habitat; the Eurovision Song Contest. If we're especially quiet then we may be fortunate enough to hear them sing one of their mating calls."

    Attempting to purchase 99% of the merchandise results in Bob saying the above. I hereby promote Bob from 'Incompetent Trader Bob' to 'Soon to be Out of Business Bob'.

    "Congratulations, Bob. You've really earned it. You'll find an application for welfare enclosed."

    In fact, the only item that Bob actually appears to be selling is this vacuum cleaner. So I purchase it.

    The Oxford Dictionary defines a vacuum cleaner as a device used for the cleaning of carpets, the interior of cars and for tidying up the Amazon jungle.

    Next I talk to Bob's assistant...
    Wedgewood is the parrot in case you were wondering.

    "Man, that perfume was totally psychedelic. I was tripping my balls off for weeks. You gotta fix me up with some more, man. I just need another hit. PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME DRY!"

    Of course, I know where to find some perfume and the lady is interested in getting a replacement bottle...

    Please say access to your vagina. Please say access to your vagina.

    "Oh, great. Just what I've always wanted. Scissors."

    I leave the shop to take a cold shower and a cut-scene kicks in.



    Notice the framed photo of Dr. Fruitloop on the wall. It's the exact same shot from earlier in the game. I guess that the Lackey took a photo of him whilst he was cackling in a evil manner.

    "Say cheese Nyah ha ha haar, Sir.

    That's right; humour the old fart, Lackey #6.


    All together now...

    Is Dr. Fruitloop really going to explain his plan every single time we cut to him?! Go on then, do your silly little evil laugh...
    That's the spirit!

    "I'll go fetch your medication, Sir."
    "...You crazy old bastard."

    Well, that's it for Part 3.

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