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Let's Play 'Flight of the Amazon Queen'

posted by St_Eddie on - last edited - Viewed by 23K users
Let's Play 'Flight of the Amazon Queen'


I first purchased this game as a 13 year old kid, back in 1995. Although I have completed it a couple of times, it's been many years since I last did so. Therefore, replaying this game is sure to feel rather fresh.

The only other thing I want to say before we begin is that I genuinely enjoy playing this game and have very fond memories of it. I only say this because the tone of this let's play will be fairly humorous and at times, playfully mocking but I wouldn't want anyone to think that I was slagging off the game.

Without further adieu, let's get started...

The game certainly doesn't try to break convention as we start on a cut-scene; where we find our smart mouthed hero, Joe King (it's best to get used to the cringe inducing puns in this game), pilot for hire, tied up in a warehouse with his date.

The reason they are tied up is because the lady is the girlfriend of a walking cliché of a mob boss. He found out about his girl's infidelity and was none too pleased to say the least. Also, it's interesting to see that Prince has an uncredited cameo as the gangster on the right!

"You Dirty Rat!"

The gangster has avoided common sense by failing to shoot them (well actually common sense would be filing for divorce but gangsters are prone to becoming a bit grumpy) and has instead rigged up a bomb to explode. It looks like curtains for our dating couple and the tension is palpable. Of course this is still the opening cinematic, so we know that Joe will be okay.

Our saving grace comes in the form a very ungraceful entrance. Standing in a bathtub (for some inexplicable reason) is our good pal, Sparky; who enters by crashing through the roof.

The warehouse explodes moments after we make our escape, with the mob boss still inside. You'd think that he would have vacated the premises considering he set the bomb to go off but I've come to the conclusion that he probably suffers from short term memory loss.

Rather than taking a much deserved day off work, Joe is more concerned with collecting his latest paying passenger; the famous movie star, Faye Russel. You certainly couldn't say that he's not dedicated to his job.

However, once we arrive at the venue where Faye is staying we find Anderson standing in her dressing room. Everyone has an arch-nemesis; David has Goliath, Holmes has Moriarty, Wile E. Coyote has Road Runner and Joe has Anderson (a rival pilot for hire).

Anderson explains that he intends to steal Faye away from us, as his own passenger. He then locks the door (which is made of solid steal... um, why?!), thus trapping us in the room.

And so the true adventure begins. Currently Joe is carrying his diary (used to save and load games) and a baseball bat. I'm not sure as to why Joe carries a bat with him. Maybe he's prone to a spot of impromptu baseball!

"Nah, I carry this partly out of... I don't know. What's the word?"

I decide that the bat may be put to good use by smashing the window to the right but Joe informs me that it's made of bullet-proof glass! This is getting ridiculous, why in tarnation does Faye Russel need a solid steal door and a bullet-proof glass window?! Is she a high priority target for the assassins of the world? I can only assume that she's received death threats from an obsessed fan (the same kind that I regularly send to Charlize Theron).

Seeming as I can't break the window, perhaps I can shout to my pal Sparky for help, who's stood outside reading his favourite comic, 'Commander Rocket'. My attempts to gain his attention are fruitless however because the glass is not only bullet-proof but also sound-proof (but of course).

All is not lost however as upon picking up some sheets strewn across the floor, I discover a laundry shoot. Now call me over-zealous when it comes to health and safety if you like, but isn't a GIANT FUCKING HOLE IN THE GROUND just a tad dangerous?! Never-mind, at least it's an escape route.

I knot the two sheets together, tie them to the nearby radiator and descend the chute.


... hold on! If I'm simply sliding down the chute, then why in blazes did I need to tie together those sheets?! Ho hum, a slide's always fun so I'm not going to complain.

Being the sex crazed (and starved) maniac that I am, the first thing that I'm interested in investigating are these novelty boobies (heh heh... boobies)! I pick up a pair (they might come in handy on a cold, lonely winters night) and admire the unbeatable craftsmanship...

"Unbeatable? Au contraire."

Anywayyyyyy... I take the stairs up to the lobby but unfortunately my escape route is being guarded by a couple more gangsters. I immediately spy a rather handy key on the bell boy's desk and attempt to pick it up. Naturally, the staff is not going to let that happen so I talk to him and exhaust all of the dialogue options but to no avail.

I also try to press the bell on the desk but it cannot be achieved, which is a shame because I love to ring the desk bell multiple times in adventure games when the assistant is already standing there. It usually winds them up to no end! You've missed a trick here, developers.

It's worth pointing out that the bell boy's voice sounds like a cross between these two...

Kermit the Frog (anthropomorphised frog thing)

Beek Nariz (the elephant man's uglier brother)

... You'd think that the manager of the venue would want to have someone with a slightly less ludicrous voice manning the front desk but clearly the manager is an equal opportunities employer, so I'm not going to berate him for being a nice chap.

Feeling as though I'm now out of options, I attempt to sneak past the gangsters but they spot me. The short one sounds just like Marlon Brando and the tall one looks like David Prowse in 'The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy' (as evidenced at 2:15 in this clip). Therefore, I shall henceforth refer to them as Brando & Prowse.

Brando & Prowse lock me back in Faye's room and... remove my clothes. They claim that this might discourage me from attempting to escape again but quite frankly, I have my suspicions that they're just a couple of horny perverts!

I then spend the next 10 minutes wondering back and forth between the different areas, absolutely clueless as to what I need to do next. Out of desperation, I try interacting with every object in every logical way possible... still no luck.

Then I try talking to the bell boy again, only to find a new dialogue option. It turns out that you have to look at the key before this option will appear! Grr... bloody adventure games!

Anyway, now that I have the key to the dressing room; I head on down there...

... to be confronted by Joe's ex-girlfriend, Lola. She's awful mad at Joe for dumping her and the two have a humorous back and forth.

Lola hops in to the shower and conveniently has her private areas covered by patches of steam on the glass (how very 'Austin Powers'). Lola agrees to help us escape if we retrieve a towel for her (I guess she's rather easily pleased). Luckily, I have one to hand and Lola soon explains her plan to us.

The plan is to dress me Joe up in ladies clothing, so that I can pass the gangsters upstairs unnoticed. Joe attaches the boobies (heh heh... boobies), puts on a wig found in Faye's room and slips on the dress.

A 'Maniac Mansion' style cut-scene is triggered...

... in which we are introduced to a quite clearly insane Doctor named Ironstein (I did warn you about the awful puns). However, for the purposes of this let's play, I shall call him Dr. Fruitloop.

Speaking to his lackey, Dr. Fruitloop explains his retarded genius master plan to turn Amazonian women into dinosaur people. I'm sure it's a dream we've all had at some point or another, right alongside world peace and sleeping with Charlize Theron.

In order to show the process of the transformation to the player his lackey, Dr. Fruitloop fires up the machine...

"Transmogrification process initiated."
I couldn't help but notice that the sound that the machine makes is the same iconic sound effect made by the opening of doors in 'Doom'. Tsk tsk, developers!

Dr. Fruitloop then explains that he will now activate the 'Aggression Enhancer'...
... but he's clearly not left the beta stage of development yet!

Sadly for Dr. Fruitloop (but thankfully for the women of the Amazon) he's run out of test subjects. Unfortunately that's not going to stop an ambitious young ancient go-getter like Dr. Fruitloop though...


Seriously, this guy's so corny that I'm surprised the developers didn't have him cackle in an evil manner...

... oh, they did.

The cut-scene has finished and we return to Joe Joanne, as we prepare to exit the hotel. We succeed and Sparky drives us away but the goons do a double-take and realise that was no lady!

Marlon & Prowse give chase and open fire at Joe. Because this is an adventure game, they're shots are less on target than a blind Stormtrooper's.

"Hey! I'd totally blow your head off for that remark... if I wasn't such a rubbish shot!"

Luckily there's a canister of oil on the back of the truck, so I chuck it at the car and it's "adios amigos". That just leaves one thing; for Joe to make a Schwarzenegger-esque quip...

Pure poetry!

We catch up with Anderson (the cad!) just as he's about to fly away with Faye using our plane (the extra-double-bastard cad).

Joe uses his subtle negotiation skills to... punch Anderson out cold. Sparky then appears to join us on our flight.

Nuts! Our plane has been hit by lightning and it looks like we're going down...

Hmm, I sense the beginning of a familiar relationship ...


Well, that's it for Part 1.
165 Comments - Linear Discussion: Classic Style
  • You need to center the Indiana Jones poster and the screaming woman below it, but otherwise a perfectly brilliant piece of entertainment. Very much enjoying these, thanks for doing it!
  • You need to center the Indiana Jones poster and the screaming woman below it

    Fixed ;)
    ...otherwise a perfectly brilliant piece of entertainment. Very much enjoying these

    Thanks man, I'm so happy that people are enjoying it. Part 3 took five hours to put together!

    First I have to play the game segments themselves and keep my fingers hovered over ALT+S at all times, in order to take screenshots.

    I usually end up with around 200 screenshots for each Part, which I then have to whittle down to the essentials for the forum.

    Next I convert the screenshots to JPEG format (one by one) and upload them to Imageshack.

    Then I have to copy the address for each individual screenshot from Imageshack and paste them onto this thread.

    It's then a case of creating the actual post and coming up with things to say about each screen, whilst also scouring Google Images for relevant pictures.

    It's a bit of a pain in the arse to be honest but it's all worthwhile providing people are entertained by the final result.
    Thanks for doing it!

    No, thank you for taking the time to read through my let's play and leaving kind feedback.
  • St_Eddie wrote: »
    Thanks man, I'm so happy that people are enjoying it. Part 3 took five hours to put together!
    No, thank you for taking the time to read through my let's play and leaving kind feedback.
    You're very welcome! It's easy to enjoy these things when you make them so god-damn funny, and I'm happy to be a fan, as I suspect all of us are. Long may you continue!
  • Fantastic stuff. Thanks for putting the effort in and doing this.
  • Don't worry, we're being entertained!

    (Especially since I've been drinking already. Must be NHL playoffs or something.)
  • This is hilarious and probably much better than a video walkthrough would be (some things just don't translate as well into video). I was in stitches with the looking at Sparky repeatedly to get the "he's looking kinda pudgy" line whenever the piranhas were mentioned. Why do the designers never give us the option to sacrifice our own companions for the good of the plot? Why?
  • User Avatar Image
    puzzlebox Telltale Staff
    St_Eddie wrote: »
    For a man named 'Trader Bob', you'd think that he'd know not to consume his own stock. It's hardly a surprise that his fucking jar was empty!

    We always called him "Trader Slob". :p
    St_Eddie wrote: »
    Part 3 took five hours to put together!

    It's worth it! I love this game and your Let's Play, thanks so much for taking the time.
  • puzzlebox wrote: »
    We always called him "Trader Slob". :p

    Haha. Good one. :D
    puzzlebox wrote: »
    It's worth it! I love this game and your Let's Play, thanks so much for taking the time.

    Aw, thankski verski muchski, budski!

    I'll be uploading Part 4 tomorrow.
  • Let's Play 'Flight of the Amazon Queen'
    Part 4: 'Bestiality is Not Acceptable... Unless You're a Missionary'

    It's time to travel to a new location...
    Let's try exploring the jungle some more.

    We come across a three-toed sloth, doing what it does best and just hanging out.

    My first instinct is to discipline the sloth with tough love and force it to respect my "authoritah"!

    Sadly, for some reason the game seems to have no concept of "authoritah" and so therefore the three-toed sloth remains unpunished for daring to exist. Damn it!

    You win this round, you furry little shit.

    Moving on, we meet a couple of explorers named Bud and Skip.

    Bud explains that they were captured by a tribe of Amazonian women and used as sex slaves (no really, that's what they say)...

    Oh Joe, you're so adorably sexist.

    However, they were eventually released and are now desperately trying to get captured again.

    Rape: it's a fun-time bonanza!

    Let's go behind the scenes at Warner Interactive, during the period when 'Flight of the Amazon Queen' was being developed...
    "Finally, a creative outlet for my lifelong fantasy of having sex with a woman being molested by Amazonian women!"

    Joe then proceeds to ask an incredibly stupid question...
    It's the fucking Amazon, Joe! What do you think?!

    The Amazon jungle, as Joe expected it to be.

    He also makes an incredibly stupid statement...
    Yep, everybody knows that Amazon women are right up there with Santa, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy.

    Pfft! 'WWW.SO-FAKE.COM' more like!

    We then talk to Skip, who is a comic collector. He also tells us that he primarily collects 'Commander Rocket' comics...

    "Duh, I wonder if this will tie in with me having to find Sparky a replacement comic!"

    Skip also explains to us just how far his hardcore obsession with his hobby extends to, by telling us where he has stored his issue #1 of 'Commander Rocket'...
    Along with the rotting corpses of several prostitutes, no doubt.

    It's extremely contrived fortunate that Skip just happens to be carrying the exact same issue of 'Commander Rocket' that Sparky has requested. Further more, Skip is more than happy to simply hand it over to us when asked, without wanting anything in return.

    Puzzles; fuck it, who needs 'em?! I do, when I'm playing a fucking adventure game!

    A blueprint falls out of the 'Commander Rocket' comic.

    Skip gives me a 'Commander Rocket' secret code to pass on to fellow fan, Sparky. It reads; 'GSRH RH Z HVXIVG'!

    By using the blueprint, I'm able to translate the secret code (which is actually an easter egg). The translated code reads 'This is a secret'...

    "Worst. Easter Egg. Ever."

    Before I leave to hand the comic over to Sparky, Bud provides me with one more vital piece of information...
    Wonderful. Thanks for the information, Bud. Anything else that you'd care to tell me? Perhaps about your chronic case of hemorrhoids? Or shall we just leave it at 'knob-rot', hmm?

    Anyway, Bud requests that I fetch him a cure for "Bud Jr.", should I come across one. Fine, it's not like I have anything better to do then to sort out your diseased penis, Bud. Well, except for...

    * Saving my companions from certain death within the jungle.
    * Saving a Princess from being turned into a dinosaur.

    ... Nope, Bud's rancid cock is clearly the priority here.

    I make my way back to Sparky, in order to give him his precious 'Commander Rocket' comic.

    And it's going to be in even less of a 'mint condition' once I've finished beating your sorry ass with it, you bloody ingrate!

    The ungrateful sod begrudgingly accepts the comic, thus restoring his complete 'Commander Rocket' collection...
    ... no doubt including the 'Pocket Rocket Condom', which is seldom used by comic geeks like Sparky (but hey, at least he's able to keep it sealed and in mint condition).

    Sparky hands me over one of his files and I'm on my miserable merry way.

    Making my way back into the jungle, I find a fish attempting to eat a hovering beetle. There's no way to catch the little blighter at present though, so I move on.

    Oh God, please no! Not again!


    The gorilla tells us that's he's a dinosaur and that he's guarding the log bridge.

    Let's have take another peek behind the scenes at Warner Interactive...
    "Hey guys, I've got it! You know that really loathsome gorilla character from earlier in the game? Yeah, let's reuse him."

    I attempt to make the walking turd disappear up his own paradox again but it fails to work this time.

    Running away as fast as I can, I come across...
    ... Hold on, this scene looks eerily familiar; almost like something from a nightmare! Hmm...

    "The memories are flooding back. I had tried so hard to forget!"

    I am incredibly relieved to find that these monkeys don't talk and nor do they practice the art of 'Monkey Kombat'. Phew.

    It turns out that the two people are married missionaries, named Jimmy and Mary-Lou (I wonder if they're married missionaries who do it in the missionary position?) and they are in the Amazon jungle to educate the local tribes.

    However, the tribes weren't interested in their teachings (who can blame them) and so they've decided to study the local wildlife instead (as you do).

    Frankly, I'm getting bored now and so decide to imagine that Jimmy has a... um, rather unhealthy "special relationship" with the monkeys!
    ... Yeah, preferably attached to the end of your penis!

    I bet that you're forever blowing bubbles!

    "Studying"... yeah, right! I'm sure that you give them a good, hard studying on a regular basis!


    Listen, I apologise for the crudeness of my imagination but I have to do something to keep me sane during this let's play! Give me a break.

    Moving swiftly on from the subject of bestiality, Jimmy tells me that last month he studied sloths.

    I'll give you a 50/50 chance of guessing, Joe. It's either :

    A/ The creature you attempted to beat with a bat earlier.


    B/ It's this abomination...


    Joe must have chosen the latter option because he then asks this question...
    Joe, you're a fucking moron!

    I think that the developers had given up at this point and couldn't be bothered to even try and make this "hint" subtle. I shrug my shoulders and give Mary-Lou a replacement file. In exchange, she hands me a 'Pygmy-to-English dictionary', which will allow me to converse with the local tribes.

    Before I head on back to the Pygmy village to try out my new dictionary, I notice that the middle monkey is the only one without a banana...
    I hand the simian my potassium based treat and I pick up the coconut, which he was previously holding.

    I arrive back at the village and use my dictionary to communicate with the Chief.

    He tells me what I already knew hours ago and then proceeds to tell some excruciating jokes, which I've cut from this let's play; you lot owe me big time!

    Seeming as the Chief is about as useful as a solar powered flashlight, I go to talk to the Witch Doctor...
    No shit, Sherlock!

    I ask the Witch Doctor to make me a cure for Bud's genital rash, which is honestly something I could've happily gone the rest of my life without asking!

    The Witch Doctor tells me that I will need to fetch three ingredients for the cure. The items she lists are perplexingly cryptic painfully obvious...

    That'll be the hair from the three-toed sloth then.

    Yeah, yeah... the coconut that I'm already carrying.

    Let's see now; the beetle hovering over the fish, perchance?

    I might as well give her the coconut whilst I'm here...
    Being that Joe is a complete waste of space, he seems to be unaware that coconuts contain milk! I mean, what were you thinking of doing, Joe? Milking Sparky's man-boobs?!

    Because Joe would need to be instructed to wipe his own ass, I tell him to use the knife on the coconut and voila; milk.

    That's one of the three ingredients sorted and a good time to save my game I think...


    Well, that's it for Part 4
  • Use spoiler tags on the pics, please. It's really quite annoying.
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