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Carley Fanfiction Edited by Red Panda

posted by Red Panda on - last edited - Viewed by 665 users
Edits are in bold

Rain starts to fall on a traffic free road, not that traffic has been a problem, really, since everyone is dead and dead people don't drive. Just thought I'd throw that in there. The only things moving are the undead roaming free as a dog on one of those adjustable leashes. One of them spots a fresh corpse laying near some tire tracks, it's zero's in on the smell of blood because spotting the corpse wasn't enough--he has to smell the corpse also to find it and he is a few feet away which helps with the spotting and smelling and I like using "and" a lot and it's about to dive on top to start it's first meal in days, when the back of it's head explodes...

Damn that was close! Carley thinks to herself...the effort to snatch the gun that Lee clearly picked up and took with him on the RV and shoot had taken more effort than was put into this sentence, she thought, especially to aim it properly, with blood clouding her vision she couldn't tell how bad her punctuation was or how bad she looked she only felt a burning hot sharp pain in her left cheek, he had suddenly gone from Carley to Carl and his head was spinning as well a possible concussion from her fall to the ground...or from turning back to a girl.

Carley crawled slowly to a nearby tree to prop her self up, she hoped the walker she affectionaly named kenny and stomped on leaves sprinkled all over her would give her some time to react to any curious walkers...that made sense because I was really high on drugs when I wrote this.[/B] Ben....what the hell had he done ? [B]I mean, I know what he done, but it be one of them "Rhetorical" questions. Really, WHAT had he done? I'm really high. why would he steal ? Why would I come to that conclusion after defending his innocence? why did lilly shoot me ?! WHY? Is it because she thought I was stealing and I called her a bitch? No, couldn't be that. And why do I ask such stupid questions? Umm... Carley's brain couldn't take it and she fell asleep..
8 Comments - Linear Discussion: Classic Style
  • wondering when you'd do this, so i reported you and this hate thread to mods..

    if anyone else is wondering he's shitting on my fan fic..

    and you wanted to call a truce, you wanted to be civil, you wanted to be 'friends' then you do this.

    who's the troll now ?

    or should that be trolls ?
  • OK. Red Panda does make a few good notes about the story in his post, but he also goes too far with others.

    If you want to make comments on someone else's work, then fair enough, but do so constructively. This does NOT mean references to sex.

    Consider this a warning. Keep it clean in future or we'll take it to the next level.
  • Darth Marsden;721014 said:
    OK. Red Panda does make a few good notes about the story in his post, but he also goes too far with others.

    If you want to make comments on someone else's work, then fair enough, but do so constructively. This does NOT mean references to sex.

    Consider this a warning. Keep it clean in future or we'll take it to the next level.
    Don't tell me you are seriously trying to look for people and threads to close/ban are ya?
  • I don't really want to discuss this further, but re-read Milo's post carefully and you'll see why I intervened.
  • "She... She.... She's dead! Why did she shoot her?"

    "Get in! We're leaving this crazy bitch."


    "Lee, she's gone. You heard Ben, you can't help her. Get in or do I have to drag you!"

    "That wasn't actual dialogue...and I'll kick your ass if you touch me."


    She woke as if coming out of a deep sleep to find herself face down in the dirt.

    What happened?

    Almost immediately she felt a painful burning sensation in her left cheek and eye. Her head started to throb as she tried to move her limbs.

    Shit. I feel like crap. What happened?

    Slowly she pushed herself up and that's when she noticed something else was wrong. She couldn't see out of her left eye. It was night but the moon and stars were out and giving off enough light to see out of her right eye but something was wrong with her left, which I need to stress by repeating.

    Fighting down her panic, she reached up and touched the left side of her face. When she pulled her hand back she found it to be covered in blood. Almost shaking in fear now after just calming down from a panic, she looked around to find herself on the side of a long stretch of a road, lined with trees on either side.

    How did I get here? I really don't remember shit, apparently. What's my name? How many men have I slept with?

    Then she heard them, the slow shuffling of feet through piles of fallen leaves and the bone chilling constant low moaning. Like right out of a foreboding bad dream, three walkers emerged out from the shadows of the trees, holding hands, singing Justin Beiber songs, heading straight towards her.

    Carley rose to her feet to flee but she almost blacked out from the effort. The sudden movement caused new pain to surged through her head, making it feel like it was about to split open. There's no medical explanation for that but it sounds really, really bad!

    The walkers closed in on their new prey. They will be her boyfriend.

    No, get up and move!

    Through sheer will and much fear, not just a little fear, like some people, for her life, Carley started to run, even though she couldn't stand up seconds ago, as best as she could but her aching head made it almost impossible and for some reason that I, the writer, don't even know about her body had so little strength to give. At most, all she could manage was a fast walk down the road that I said she was just running down at the beginning of this paragraph. Carley fumbled inside her coat for her gun because apparently she can't feel a big ass gun in her small vest but came up empty. The situation was growing from bad to worse.

    I'm injured, most likely seriously, no weapon and being chased by walkers. I thought I'd take time to think about the obvious. And am I talking or thinking? Am I crazy? I'm being chased by walkers and I'm a crazy. Which one will do me in first?

    Looking behind, one of the three walkers was actually gaining on her. Carley tried to move faster but every step felt like someone was taking a jackhammer to her already throbbing head. That would be a funny that's what she said joke, she thought.

    The fast walker behind her sounded so close now that she didn't dare look back because that's how they always die in horror movies. Exhaustion was overtaking her and Carley started to cry from her good eye. Maybe it would be better to stop running and let it end now than drag this scene out needlessly.

    Then there was a light from behind and the sound of an engine. A vehicle was approaching and it filled Carley with unexpected hope to keep moving. The vehicle was loud as it sped up and swerved around them to pass on her left. Carley looked and her jaw dropped. It was a humvee! Jaws dropping at the sight of a humvee would make a nice sex joke, she thought, but yeah.... An honestly to goodness US military humvee. Gee whiz!
  • Red panda your not funny and your jokes are both obvious and lame. You don't even get the golf clap...You get regular clap(STD), have fun loser

    Hey mods can you close/delete this thread. It shouldn't be ok to post others writing (then slam it) without the original writers ok (Which obviosly Milo did NOT give:()
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    Jennifer Moderator
    Closed. Don't post threads insulting other members.
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