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Let's Play... Simon the Sorcerer 3D

posted by Darth Marsden on - last edited - Viewed by 23.3K users
So I'm doing a run through that most infamous of bad adventure games, Simon the Sorcerer 3D. This is so I can do a Madisun's Arc review of it, and like all my video game reviews I'm playing through the whole thing and recording it so that I essentially have a complete video run of the game.

The thing is, doing this is long. And boring. And requires me to convert a LOT of videos from massive avi files (3.95GBs each) into smaller wmv ones that don't take up every bit of free space on my hard drive. And while the videos are converting, I can't actually play the game. Well, maybe I could, I dunno, but I don't really want to be converting video files AND recording footage from a game at the same time. I think my motherboard might melt.

So, during this down time, I figured I'd do something. Going back to the videos I've already converted to wmv files, I'm grabbing screenshots from them and I'm going to do a picture based storytelling exercise... thing.

So here we go!

Let's Play... Simon the Sorcerer 3D

The game opens up with a blatant rip-off from Star Wars. Because that was topical. (Actually, it was - the game came out around the same time The Phantom Menace was released on DVD. So this comment is probably a bit redundant and I should therefore probably stop talking.)

This text basically sums up the events of the first two games. I'll explain most of it as we go along, so I won't bother telling you exactly what it says here.

This is Runt. No, seriously. That's his name.


He's the 'apprentice' for the main villain of the series...


Oh no, it's just the titular SIMON THE SORCERER.

Oddly enough, you actually play as the bad guy in this series. It's a refreshing change from the norm, and makes the franchise a lot more interesting as a resul-

Oh, right. This isn't actually Simon. It's the warlock Sordid, who's spirit possessed Simon's body at the end of the previous game. Sorry. As you'll see later on, Simon's so vicious to people it's hard to tell the difference between him and the villain sometimes!

Sordid's been taking Simon's body on a funky little joy-ride, and while he's been away, Runt (god I feel so stupid every time I say that) has built him a nice new body to inhabit.

Which he promptly does.

Because let's be honest, if you had the chance to take on the form of a giant ED-209-like monster machine, you would to.

(How he'll ever get laid again is a question for the ages, but I guess we're not supposed to think about that.)

Runt (ugh) tells Sordid (actually, that sounds dirty as well. I think I'll need a shower after I'm done with this) about his plan for finding 'The Ancient One'.

He'll have to be more specific than that though, since there's around a thousand 'Ancient Ones', most of which aren't going to be particularly inclined to help a pair of Sordid Runts.

I mean, do they mean the guy who taught Doctor Strange?


The guy from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?


This... THING from Star Wars?


Be a little more specific people, that's all I'm asking!

Then they both have a good laugh over a dirty joke. I think. I kinda zoned out there trying to decide which Ancient One they were talking about.

Uh, where were we?

Oh. Right. We're... somewhere else now. In the rain, apparently.
(You can't tell because it's just pictures, but there's no sound effects whatsoever here. It's really very weird seeing the rain but not actually hearing it. Odd disconnect.)

And we get a glorious ass shot (or at least it would be a glorious ass shot if the graphics weren't so awful) of some chick who must be absolutely freezing as she carries Simon's body to the top of a... wait.


No, seriously - How. Did. She. Do. That? You can't just brush something like that under the rug, game! It's a pretty big thing to skip over! Explain, dammit! EXPLAIN!



So the chick just leaves Simon's body at the top of the stairs as she does a dramatic pose in front of three old guys, which diminishes the effect somewhat, but I guess she takes what she can get.

Fortunately the old guys can make Simon's body float over to them, which just begs the question of why the hell they didn't do that in the first place instead of making Lara McNotCroft drag him all the way to the top of the pyramid.


And so they lower Simon's body into the pit of sharp pointy things coated with horribly nasty poison, and he was never heard from again.

Everyone toasts to a job well done and the game is over.


...I wish.
252 Comments - Linear Discussion: Classic Style
  • Syd wrote: »
    About the only praise I can give this game, aside from the admittedly somewhat clever CD tray puzzle right at the end, is that you can actually finish it, so it's at least marginally better than Big Rigs.

    Funny you mention it, since the GOG version is supposedly completely unfinishable BECAUSE of the CD tray puzzle.
  • Oddly enough, I had trouble with that final puzzle on both the original copy of the game that I own and the GOG version, though after a few goes the GOG one did eventually work. I think. Might have got them mixed up.

    Glad you guys enjoyed the LP. Still musing over what to do next. Narrowed it down to a couple of choices. But as I said, I wanna catch up on other stuff first, so it'll be a while before I start anything new.
  • I wouldn't be able to do the CD tray puzzle, because I don't have a CD tray.
  • Maybe if you installed Alcohol 100%, used it to create a virtual disc drive, and then "opened" it? Of course, we'll never test this idea, because that would mean you'd have to play through this entire god-awful game. And really, who would be crazy enough to do that?
  • *cough*

    I had to disable my Deamon Tools-created virtual drive for the final puzzle to work, so I'm guessing that probably wouldn't work for others.
  • Maybe if you installed Alcohol 100%, used it to create a virtual disc drive, and then "opened" it? Of course, we'll never test this idea, because that would mean you'd have to play through this entire god-awful game. And really, who would be crazy enough to do that?

    Maybe I could just install Alcohol 12.5% into my mouth and call it good? Definitely far more enjoyable.
  • *cough*

    Well, who would be crazy enough after watching someone else's pain and suffering. You endured it so that the rest of us might know better.
    Maybe I could just install Alcohol 12.5% into my mouth and call it good? Definitely far more enjoyable.

    Yes, this sounds like a much nicer option.
  • Time to play Simon the Sorcerer 3D! Hooray!
  • Ah the final puzzle I couldn't get past simply because of the autoplay setting of my disc drive. Which I didn't find out about for at least a year after I had reached the end of the game. Also at which point I didn't have the save game any more, so had to replay the whole thing.

    And you know what? It totally wasn't worth it, as you can see now.
  • So effectively, the only reason everyone had to go through all this was so Simon could put a disk in a drive? Because Swampy did everything else useful in the endgame.

    Oh well, thanks for all the extreme effort you put in playing the game without throwing your computer into the wall putting this together for our entertainment!
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