Maxbear29's Medieval Tale (Actual story part, link to where you submit characters inside!)

edited November 2014 in Forum Games

So, this is the beginning of a great tale. A war has broken out between 2 countries, and it's fierce. This is a tale of the smaller army, and the battle between the 2. This army, by the way, is all made up of your characters, which I will have a list of, and their classes below. But first, if you would like to join, here is the link to where you may submit a character, and we're always accepting new ones! http://www.telltalegames.com/community/discussion/85903/maxbear29-s-interactive-medieval-tale-submit-characters-here-link-to-story-inside-when-made?new=1

CHARACTERS, THEIR USERS, AND THEIR CLASSES.

I shall post part 1 in a bit, be ready to vote n' stuff!

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Comments

  • Hell yeah! I'm hyped for this :D

  • edited November 2014

    --Santiago--

    Santiago slowly pushed through the woods, using his sword to chop down branches too big to pass by, as after an hour of trekking, he finally pushed through into the city of Hollyn. Hollyn is the capital of the country Fennia, where he was going to join the army, where he heard they needed a tactician. He was trained in swordplay, and magic came second nature from his father being a legendary mage. He considered himself quite bright, as did others, and he believed himself to be perfect for the job. Plus, with the loss of his wife and children mere months ago, he needed something to do before he went insane. He saw the castle in the distance, and was in awe. It was huge! He knew Fennia was the richest land in the realm, but damn. He lived in the neighbor country to Fennia, Kraime, which was in shambles after betrayal in the ranks, multiple attacks on the villagers, and the king's death, and leaning heavily on Fennia for support anyway. He figured, as the last man from his small village just outside the capital, he may as well move to Hollyn, and start a new life there. He saw people look at him odd in his tattered rags, as he had no clothing left, as he briskly walked by, towards the castle.

    All the people glaring at him for looking so poor in a rich-at least middle class even- man's country, made him uncomfortable. He decided to cut through an alleyway which appeared to lead right in front of the castle. He walked in, and sped up. He was almost at a run, when he saw something moving. He stopped to look around, reaching for his blade, as he was grabbed, dropping it, as he heard the sound of steel on rock, as his sword bounced of the ground slightly, and landed out of reach. He felt a arm holding his arm, and a sword up to his throat. "Your coins. Empty your pockets, and will be well." "Gods damn it, a thief. He'll never let me be free, I must think fast!" Santiago thought, as he pretended to reach for his pocket. "Good. Now all will be ok." The thief laughed. "Y'know, you coulda stopped this by taking the main road- AAAAAGH!" He screamed. Santiago shot a strong thunder magic bolt into his leg, causing it to burn, and him to collapse. Santiago dashed for his sword, as the thief grabbed his foot, causing him to fall on his face, putting a deep cut on his chin. The thief then kneed him in the gut, causing him to lose all the air in his lungs. He grunted, as the thief pinned him to the ground. He grabbed his sword, and was about to plunge it into Santiago's chest, as Santiago called out, and started holding his arms back. The thief was just overpowering him, and he felt the blade getting closer to him, as he cried out one more time. "HEEEEEEELP!" Santiago screamed, as the blade poked his chest. He could feel his arms getting weak, and the blade passing through his shirt. He saw some movement in the background, but assumed it was just his mind. He closed his eyes, and braced for impact, as he heard the thief scream. "NO!" and then a slicing sound, and a "Guk!" and with that, all of the pressure on Santiago's arms was gone.

    He opened his eyes. The thief had pierced his skin, however, he was lying in a heap beside him, with a cut almost all the way through his throat, and a bulky man with long brown hair, and a bloody axe was standing over him. "Woah, that was too close for comfort. You're damn lucky I went out to buy bread today with my axe today, jeez. Name's Morgan, Morgan Strinu'x." Morgan said, offering his hand to Santiago. "Santiago Wequyg, and thanks." Morgan laughed, "I'm glad we both have such simple last names, haha. And don't mention it. Hey, with that sword of your on the ground over there." Santiago picked up his sword, "and that spellbook, are you by any chance the new tactician? Because if not, you should be. Then again, if you're first move is walking through a dark alley, maybe we should reconsider!" Morgam laughed, and Santiago replied "Yeah, not a great move on my part. But yeah, I am joining the army as the tactician." Morgan smiled. "Well, it just so happens I'm a member of the army myself, so maybe I could give you a tour around the castle, and introduce you to the others, Santiago." Santiago smiled "That would be great, Morgan."

    No choices this time, but I really want feedback, so if you have anything to say, please, share it, it really helps. Positive or negative. I may post a part later on, but I am busy, so if not later, tomorrow.

  • This is great, I'm all for a good story! I loved the " I'm glad we both have simple last names" part.

    maxbear29 posted: »

    --Santiago-- Santiago slowly pushed through the woods, using his sword to chop down branches too big to pass by, as after an ho

  • I liked your writing and the plot of this part. Only small suggestion I have is that you could somehow make direct speech more visible, either by putting it at the beginning of a new line or by putting it in italics. It's really only a small nitpick, but I guess it could help with the readability.

    Other than that: The story started great and both, Santiago and Morgan, are pretty interesting characters so far. I'm certainly curious about how this story will continue :)

    maxbear29 posted: »

    --Santiago-- Santiago slowly pushed through the woods, using his sword to chop down branches too big to pass by, as after an ho

  • Great writing, only feedback I have is make the text a little more organized, like make paragraphs shorter and indented, it's hard to read huge blocks of writing at times :P Other than that, great first part!

    maxbear29 posted: »

    --Santiago-- Santiago slowly pushed through the woods, using his sword to chop down branches too big to pass by, as after an ho

  • Great part!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    maxbear29 posted: »

    --Santiago-- Santiago slowly pushed through the woods, using his sword to chop down branches too big to pass by, as after an ho

  • This was great, Looking forward to the next part! :D

    maxbear29 posted: »

    --Santiago-- Santiago slowly pushed through the woods, using his sword to chop down branches too big to pass by, as after an ho

  • edited November 2014

    I accidentally left my laptop at a friends house in a different city. To be fair, it's 30 minutes there and back, but I can't write as well on the tablet, as I usually write it and save it in a word processor, so I probably won't be able to post a part until Thursday, but I absolutely will tomorrow, and I'm gonna try to type it up on the tablet, even if it is impossible :P Thanks for the feedback though, I appreciated it a lot.

  • I got my laptop back early! Yay! I am 100% posting a part today, so get hyped!

  • Yey! Cant wait!

    maxbear29 posted: »

    I got my laptop back early! Yay! I am 100% posting a part today, so get hyped!

  • Awesome! :D

    maxbear29 posted: »

    I got my laptop back early! Yay! I am 100% posting a part today, so get hyped!

  • Hyped Intensifies

    maxbear29 posted: »

    I got my laptop back early! Yay! I am 100% posting a part today, so get hyped!

  • --Santiago--

    Morgan lead Santiago past the gate, into the castle. It was enormous, with lots of rooms. There was a huge yard for training, barracks, sleeping quarters, a dining area, all the works. Morgan smiled and waved at each and every maid and butler. He seemed like a nice guy, and a pleasant person to be around, and Santiago knew he was a fighting asset, the way he wields his axe.

    "This is the kitchen. Not many of us hang around here, except Green, who refuses to be waited on. She always makes everyone food, even though we have cooks to do it for us. I think she's in training right now, but I'm not sure, I hope you get to meet her today, she's such a great gal." Morgan said with a laugh, as he grabbed a glass of wine off of the counter. "Ah! They knew I was coming!" Morgan drank the whole glass, placing it in the sink, and continuing along.

    "Don't you think whoever's glass of wine that was will be mad that it's gone?" Santiago asked, as Morgan smiled.

    "Probably! But they don't have to know who drank it right? Plus, they can pour themselves another!" Morgan laughed. They kept walking for a while, and Morgan started speaking again. "You probably won't see Wolf, either. I think he's out with his family right now. It's unlikely you will see him off the battlefield. He's our thief, raised by wolves, hence the name. A bit reclusive, but the best stealth unit this side of the continent. One of our only 2 hired units, and I think we'll meet Mers later on, as he hangs around the barracks mostly, if he's not training." Morgan and Santiago kept walking, chatting about where they have lived, and what they've been through, as they reached the barracks.

    "Training just ended about half an hour ago, so most people will be hanging around in here." Morgan said, as he swung the door open, revealing 5 people sat around a square table, eating, and drinking wine. One girl was sat on her horse, sipping as a glass of white wine, stroking her horse's mane, another man sat, with his horse next to him, the only one not eating, smoking on his pipe, reading a book, another man was sat with an axe at his side, eating furiously, and the other 2 men were talking, and drinking red wine.

    "Morgan returns! And with a new face! Hey!" The man with the axe called out, with a smile.

    "That's Felix. He's a cool dude, and the 2nd best fighter in the whole army." Morgan said with a laugh.

    "Ok then Morgan. Whatever you say to let you sleep at night." Felix replied, taking another bite of his steak.

    "The girl on the horse is Periya. She's our troubadour, and the greatest healer I know. I don't think I've ever seen her off her horse! She's really cool to be around. If you haven't caught on yet, I don't dislike anyone in the army, haha!" Morgan said, as Periya nodded. "Next up, the one with the book is Raynes. He's our cavalier, and is really the one who keeps us on task. I'd say without him, we would be working a normal amount, and have no advantage over the opponent, as opposed to working 3 times as hard as they are!"

    "And of course, maybe we'd get a congratulations once in a while without ol' Raynes!" Felix said, as Raynes looked up from his book.

    "And maybe, just maybe, without me, you'd have died already, Mers." Raynes replies, as Mers laughed.

    "Well you've got me there. Checkmate. Good game Raynes. Hey, maybe you could train me in chess until I lose an arm? How about it, Raynes?" Mers said, with fake excitement.

    Raynes snickered. "What, you can't screw up combat training enough, you gotta screw up combat strategy, too?"

    "Ladies, ladies, you're both pretty." Periya said, as the short man in red robes laughed.

    "The last one's Hopeless, our second mage, alongside Green." Morgan said, "and that's everyone! Oh gods, i forgot to introduce you to everyone! Haha, I'm thick sometimes! Everyone, this is Santiago, our new Tactician.

    "Tactician? I hope to the gods your better than our last one. Died cowering in fear, begging to let the rival army to spare him for our tactics, to which he gave up willingly, and then was butchered. That's why you don't let a nobleman be a tactician." Raynes said, as Periya looked down.

    "So Morgan, Santiago, come, sit, drink!" Felix said, as Santiago, and Morgan, both grabbed a glass of wine.

    "I purpose a toast. To Santiago, the newest member of the army!" Periya said, as the rest of the group yelled out

    "To Santiago!"

    After a few more glasses of wine, Santiago passed out on the floor of the barracks. He awoke hours later, sitting up quickly, with a slight headache, and blurry vision. He cleared the sleep out of his eyes, and saw a unfamiliar person, picking up Felix. He stood up, and she looked surprised.

    "Oh, you must be our new tactician. I'm Green." Santiago shook her hand.

    "Santiago. Morgan told me about you." Green smiled.

    "Did he now. What did he say? Only good things, I hope!" Green smiled. She seemed nice, so Santiago went to help her stand Felix up.

    "Nah, it's fine. I just use wind magic propulsion to lift them. I'm used to moving dishes, clothes, and drunk people, so I figured out little tricks to help me along the way. Just use light wind magic, and it lifts them right up!" Green said cheerfully. It's almost like she enjoyed picking up after everyone else! Santiago felt bad for leaving a huge mess for her to clean up, so he grabbed a load of dishes, and followed her to the kitchen.

    "So you don't drink with the group, eh?" Santiago asked.

    "I don't drink whatsoever. I gotta take care of everyone else!" Green said, with a smile. Green's smile was so pleasant, it made Santiago happy.

    "You're like the mother to the group! You pick up everyone's mess, put them in bed, and are generally more responsible than them." Santiago said, as Green started to think about it.

    "Yeah, I guess I am sorta motherly." Green laughed, as someone ran by in the hallway.

    "Oh gods, get down!' Green whispered. "I think someone's inside the building!"

    "Is it a member of the army, possibly?" Santiago inquired, as Green shook her head.

    "Everyone's asleep. I guess it coulda been Wolf, but he's with his family, plus, he's never just running around the halls. I bet it's a damn brigand."

    "A brigand? Why would they be here? Don't we have guards?"

    "Yes, but he could have come in a window. Damn it all! I bet there's more of them, sent by the enemy to rob, or even kill some of us! We've gotta do something, Santiago!" Green replied.

    "What do you purpose we do, Green?"

    "I dunno, you're our tactician, you should handle this."

    "You're right....I'd say there's 2 courses of action here. We sneak up on them, and take them out. This would be the most efficient if there is only a few of them. Or alternatively, we could get to the sleeping quarters, get reinforcements, and then take them out, but that risks getting snuck up on and slaughtered. I guess we could split up, trying to get as many people out as possible separately which increases efficiency, but the chances of surviving a sneak attack individually is lower. Or, we could try to sneak up on them individually, which again, more efficient, but less likely to successfully kill someone. Which do you think is best, Green? And quickly, we don't have a lot of time!"

    Try To Sneak Up On Them Together

    Try To Sneak Up On Them Individually

    Try To Wake Up The Others Together

    Try To Wake Up The Others Individually

  • edited November 2014

    Try To Sneak Up On Them Together

    Great Part!!!!!

    maxbear29 posted: »

    --Santiago-- Morgan lead Santiago past the gate, into the castle. It was enormous, with lots of rooms. There was a huge yard fo

  • Try To Sneak Up On Them Together

    This is amazing! :D

    maxbear29 posted: »

    --Santiago-- Morgan lead Santiago past the gate, into the castle. It was enormous, with lots of rooms. There was a huge yard fo

  • edited November 2014

    Try To Sneak Up On Them Together

    That part was even better than the last one. The paragraphs really helped with the readability.

    maxbear29 posted: »

    --Santiago-- Morgan lead Santiago past the gate, into the castle. It was enormous, with lots of rooms. There was a huge yard fo

  • Sneak up on them together! Great story so far :D

    maxbear29 posted: »

    --Santiago-- Morgan lead Santiago past the gate, into the castle. It was enormous, with lots of rooms. There was a huge yard fo

  • Try to sneak up. On then

    maxbear29 posted: »

    --Santiago-- Morgan lead Santiago past the gate, into the castle. It was enormous, with lots of rooms. There was a huge yard fo

  • Hey, I'm gonna sleep, I'm hoping the rest of the crew vote tonight. Until then, goodnight!

  • Sneak up together, And holy fuck I'm so nice lol

    maxbear29 posted: »

    --Santiago-- Morgan lead Santiago past the gate, into the castle. It was enormous, with lots of rooms. There was a huge yard fo

  • This is my new favorite quote from any forum user.

    "Holy fuck I'm so nice"

    -Green613, 2014

    Green613 posted: »

    Sneak up together, And holy fuck I'm so nice lol

  • B]

    maxbear29 posted: »

    This is my new favorite quote from any forum user. "Holy fuck I'm so nice" -Green613, 2014

  • I'm sorry about not posting yesterday, but I'm visiting a friend. I'm busy a lot of the time, y'know? Anyway, I hope to get a new part up today. By the way, yes, voting closed, they will sneak up on them together. @Raging_Blades, @GoldenPaladin, and @FauDeef, you should get in on the voting next time, it's quite possible 1 of your characters will be involved in the choice situation ;)

  • Sorry, weekdays are hard for me.

    maxbear29 posted: »

    I'm sorry about not posting yesterday, but I'm visiting a friend. I'm busy a lot of the time, y'know? Anyway, I hope to get a new

  • It's fine, I was just mentioning it :)

    Sorry, weekdays are hard for me.

  • I'll try and keep up!

    maxbear29 posted: »

    It's fine, I was just mentioning it

  • I never found this thread. XD. I'll vote next part.

    maxbear29 posted: »

    I'm sorry about not posting yesterday, but I'm visiting a friend. I'm busy a lot of the time, y'know? Anyway, I hope to get a new

  • Try To Sneak Up On Them Together

    maxbear29 posted: »

    --Santiago-- Morgan lead Santiago past the gate, into the castle. It was enormous, with lots of rooms. There was a huge yard fo

  • Oops. I am super busy all weekend, I'll try to get a part up later, I have one half written, and I'm pretty happy with it so far, so feel the hype. Also, not for a few hours, I have dinner plans, so sorry 'bout that!

  • --Santiago--

    "Let's sneak up on them together." Green said, as Santiago nodded. They crept out into the dark hallway, and looked around. Nobody was around, but they could hear movement in the southern hallway. Green put her finger over her lips, and slowly opened the door adjacent to them. They both went inside, as Green pointed to the door next to them, and gestured for them to move forward. Green seemed to know what she was doing, and from what he had seen up to this point, Santiago thought Green fit Morgan's description perfectly. Santiago pushed his ear up to the door, and could hear the brigands talking.

    "Ugh, I tried the stables. There was a girl sleeping on a horse, and I tried to slit her throat, but the damn stallion put it's hoof in my jaw. I can barely talk now. Little girly on the horse didn't even flinch though, sound asleep, drunk by my guessing! No sober person sleeps that soundly!" A brigand with a medium high, whiny voice said, with a laugh "I tried to take out the steed too, but it kicked my ribs so hard I learned my lesson and fled. Damn thing broke a rib or 2 if I were to guess! My jaw's clickin' too, it was all just a bad experience! Oh well. horse bitch gets to live 1 night, but we kill all the sleepin' soldiers, understand?"

    "Yeah, I gotcha, man." A deeper voiced brigand said, as Santiago nodded to Green, and mouthed counting to 3. On 3, Santiago bust through the door, and surprised the 2 brigands. 1 was lanky, with blonde hair,and a bruise on his mouth, the other is more muscular, and short. Santiago had his sword drawn, and stuck it directly into the lanky one's chest. He was shocked, and didn't react, he just went limp, and toppled onto the floor, dead. Before Santiago could remove his sword from the lanky one's chest, the bulky one pulled out his sword, and slashed Santiago's arm. It was a deep, fairly clean cut, which hurt like hell. Green used a monstrously powerful wind blast to send him flying backwards, shattering a window, as he fell screaming, ending in a loud splat.

    Green helped Santiago off the ground, as he looked at the wound and cringed. "Oh god, it hurts so badly!" Santiago muttered, as Green helped him get his sword out of the lanky guy. Santiago looked out the window, and saw the muscular guy, lying on the ground, with shards of glass sticking out of him, in a pool of blood, definitely dead.

    "Did he get your good arm?" Green asked, as Santiago shook his head.

    "Nah, luckily, I'm left-handed, and he got my right arm. Gods, it's almost numb, I can only feel the pain of the cut, and not the rest of the arm!"

    "Well at least there's that. We need a new hiding spot, if we're gonna continue with the plan. The bulky guy was quite loud, and I'm sure there's more brigands coming as we speak. Plus, I may have broken the door when I hit him with my wind magic.....hey, it was an honest mistake, stop looking at me like that!" Green said, as Santiago surveyed the area. He heard someone coming up the stairs from far away, and thought quickly. He saw the hallway to where everyone was sleeping, and without saying a word, sprinted over, Green following, and chose a room with a window in it, and they both hurried inside. It was an empty room, disappointingly. They snuck up to the window, and peered out. A thin brigand found the lanky guy's corpse, as Santiago shot a lightning bolt through the window, shattering it. The brigand panicked, fleeing before Santiago could shoot another one at him.

    "Aw, shit, he's gone to get more. Gods, I wish I had better aim! We've got no time, we have to run-" Santiago was cut off by a group of brigands running down a hallway fairly close to them. They snuck out, bolting into the hallway. Santiago had to quickly choose what room to hide in, with 3 on each side. Nobody was in their previous room, so they had 5 choices. Everyone was in a separate room, and there was no time to see who was in each, he just had to pick at random.

    Room 1

    Room 2

    Room 3

    Room 4

    Room 5

  • Room 1

    maxbear29 posted: »

    --Santiago-- "Let's sneak up on them together." Green said, as Santiago nodded. They crept out into the dark hallway, and looke

  • Great episode!!!!!!!!

    maxbear29 posted: »

    --Santiago-- "Let's sneak up on them together." Green said, as Santiago nodded. They crept out into the dark hallway, and looke

  • Room 4

    maxbear29 posted: »

    --Santiago-- "Let's sneak up on them together." Green said, as Santiago nodded. They crept out into the dark hallway, and looke

  • Room 3

    maxbear29 posted: »

    --Santiago-- "Let's sneak up on them together." Green said, as Santiago nodded. They crept out into the dark hallway, and looke

  • Room 5

    maxbear29 posted: »

    --Santiago-- "Let's sneak up on them together." Green said, as Santiago nodded. They crept out into the dark hallway, and looke

  • Room 2 hasn't been mentioned yet, so

    Room 2

    maxbear29 posted: »

    --Santiago-- "Let's sneak up on them together." Green said, as Santiago nodded. They crept out into the dark hallway, and looke

  • Room 2

    maxbear29 posted: »

    --Santiago-- "Let's sneak up on them together." Green said, as Santiago nodded. They crept out into the dark hallway, and looke

  • Room 2

    maxbear29 posted: »

    --Santiago-- "Let's sneak up on them together." Green said, as Santiago nodded. They crept out into the dark hallway, and looke

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