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Happy 'Ask a Stupid Question' Day!

posted by Darth Marsden on - last edited - Viewed by 435 users
You heard me.

In celebration, here's a few stupid questions, provided by AQA (Any Questions Answered).

Q: What's the opposite of a camel?
A: The opposite of a camel is a soap dish: it has dimples instead of humps and lives in a mostly moist area.

Q: How long would it take to roast a fully grown Indian elephant?
A: An Indian elephant, average weight 5000kg, would take 2916 hours and 40 minutes to roast to perfection (based on 35 minutes a kilogram). You would need an extremely large serving dish.

Q: In Mars Bars, how much taller is Jeremy Clarkson than Tom Cruise?
A: A Mars bar is four inches long. Jeremy Clarkson measures 19.25 Mars Bars (six feet five), while Tom Cruise is 16.75 Mars bars high (five feet seven). That's a 2.5 Mars bar difference.

Q: How long would it take a snail to slide around the world?
A: 34,519 days at 0.7 miles a day or 0.03 miles per hour, the average speed for a garden snail.

Q: What’s the funniest word in the world?
A: The funniest word in the English language is fartlek (an athletic training regime); other funny words include furphy, pratfall, parp and firkin.

Q: What is the best type of biscuit to make a mattress from?
A: The best type of biscuits to make a mattress from would be fig rolls or strawberry Newtons. They would be soft, but still provide some back support.

Q: I want to write a film script which makes me millions: what should it be about?
A: Based on the top-grossing films, your script should be about a young wizard and a robot looking for a ring on a pirate ship which sinks. Good luck.

Q: In an average lifetime, how much gas will a human expel?
A: The average adult has 14 occurrences of flatulence per day. Total expulsion is about 538ml, making approximately 14,727 litres of gas expelled in a life time.

Q: How long is a piece of string?
A: A piece of string is twice as long as half its length. It is usually shorter than the amount you need to wrap a parcel, but always long enough to tangle.

Q: When will I die?
A: You will die in a freak parachuting accident aged 98. Your memorial service, attended by more than 1,000 of your closest friends, will be at Wembley.

Q: What came first - the car or petrol?
A: Petrol existed before cars and was sold as a treatment against lice and their eggs. The first petrol-driven car was invented around the mid-1880s.

Q: Why do slugs appear in the front room?
A: Slugs can squeeze themselves under the smallest of cracks such as under doors. Try sprinkling ground coffee around your exterior doors to put them off.

Q: How many otters can you fit in a watering can?
A: The average male otter is 40in long, a good size watering can is only around 30in. Common decency forbids forcing the otter inside.

Q: Why can't monkeys fly?
A: Monkeys do not have wings and so they cannot fly. If you throw one into the air, this may count as "flying" but AQA does not recommend trying this.

Q: What is the value of hitting a cricket ball outside the ground without it bouncing?
A: A batsman who hits a ball directly over the boundary scores six runs. You don't get extra runs for hitting one completely out of the ground, just a huge amount of respect.

Q: Does AQA believe there is demand in the entertainment business for a film about biscuits and which do you think would emerge as champion biscuit? Don't steal the idea.
A: AQA thinks a film about which is the best biscuit is a great idea. Perhaps as a stop-motion film. Jaffa Cakes would be the baddies - they aren't biscuits.

Q: I like trains. In this day and age anything is possible due to surgery. So, how can I become a train, or just look like one?
A: The simplest way for you to become a train in this day and age is to join the cast of Starlight Express.

Q: If you eat all your greens will your hair grow curly? Mum said so.
A: AQA hates to be the one to tell you this, but your mum lied to you. You have to eat your crusts to get curly hair. Alternatively, get a perm.

Q: What six-letter word can be made by texting with only one button on a mobile phone?
A: "Deeded" can be typed using just the 3 button. However, AQA argues that "Mmmmmmmmmmm" is acceptable.
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