User Avatar Image

The Depression and Advice Thread

posted by Davies on - last edited - Viewed by 3.2K users
This thread is here for us to share our fears and any elements of life which we feel are dragging us down. The idea is for us all to help contribute advice to each other and make the people of this world forum happier in their lives.

[CENTER]Introduction video and my own feelings of depression.[/CENTER]

Apologies for the poor editing in my video. It was originally a 6 minute dialogue, where I revealed far too much personal information. I ended up taking the video down from YouTube and reuploading a heavily edited version (hence the dodgy edits).
119 Comments - Linear Discussion: Classic Style
  • I can relate to some of this.
    While I don't suffer from depression per se, I do kind of swing into periods of despair.

    The last one had to be during my last exams.
    One day I just snapped, lobbed cake at my brother, and literally was lying down in the kitchen, curled up into a ball sobbing away.
    Its all quite funny in hindsight, but thats pressure for you.
    I let it build up over time, and something crazy just happens all at once.
    Like a valve has been opened and all the steam rushes out.

    But thats me, it sounds silly but I worry all the time.
    I worry about myself, worry about whether I am good enough, worry about what I'm going to do when I finish uni, worry about the fact I can't decide a definite path in life, worry about whether or not I'm going to be able to make myself happy in the long run, worry about my physical and metal health, worry about whether I really deserve to be at uni in the first place, worry about my lack of self-esteem and confidence, and worry about the baggage retrieval system they got at Heathrow, (sorry couldn't help that one! XD)

    So yeah, you get the picture, I always have a sort of self-awareness that never kind of turns of.

    Its probably why I have several different hobbies and can never stick to anything. I need something to distract me from myself.
    Its unhealthy. Its part of the reason why I find it hard to start my uni work.
    Its why I never start any game projects, and why I never properly try to learn music.

    I just jump between things, so I'm never truley good at anything.

    And I struggle socially as well. I have my family, and maybe 1 or 2 friends to support me, and I worry that it might not be enough, and I find it hard to be able to sit down with someone and talk about my problems, (I don't want them to worry about me, and I don't want to be selfish, dumping my problems on them, they have their own problems to deal with).

    And again, that above, what I just wrote in brackets, is just silly.
    But I can't help it. I just can't bring myself to act selfishly.
    The only person I ever confide my problems with is my best friend, and he's been so busy with work, and getting on after he quit uni, I just haven't been able to talk to him.
    And as I'm typing, I can feel the despair just creeping up on me.

    But typing here, on an annonymous forum helps. I have to get my thoughts out there somewhere. It helps me cope.

    I may ramble on about stuff and make jokes, but really thats for my benefit, than anyone else's.
    They probably aren't funny jokes, nor are they particularily clever, but on the internet it doesn't really matter. Its not like one of you guys is going to show up at my house and throw a pie in my face, so I don't feel as guilty posting my crap here.

    Okay. I'm going to stop now. I'm rambling again, (I'm sure my rant seems childish compared to most people's ACTUAL problems with depression).

    EDIT: Alright, I've convinced myself to type some more, (because despite my quiet exterior, I just LOVE to talk! :D).

    Okay, so one of the main things that is bugging me at the moment, is uni.
    Not the academics, the people.
    I've said before that I feel completely alien, and thats probably true, to most people, I am an alien.

    But this example basically points out how different I actually am.

    So for entrepreneurship, we had to create a creativity booster.

    We had to present 4 pictures that had some sort of personal symbolic significance.
    So most people, had pictures of food, fashion, holidays, and some had a bit of artwork or a quote.

    And I suddenly become the elephant in the room.

    So I chose, characters. Video Game characters, (and a general symbol of a web)
    You know these characters kind of represented the creative values I found important.

    I chose Minecraft. Well, the picture was a deviant art piece someone made of the default minecraft character.
    Its a placeholder for the game itself.
    As most of you guys know. Minecraft is a procedurally generated game. Basically infinite, and the possiblities of what can happen at what time is infinite as well.
    (Sounds more spectular on paper than what it does when you're playing it! XD)
    It represented the idea of unlimited creativity. A world of endless possiblity. I love that. The fact that anything could happen in life. I love the What if?

    The next character was Arthur, from the Ghouls 'n Ghosts games.
    I explained that the games were notorious for being difficult, and I can kind of look up to the "hero" type character. The ability to never give up, no matter how hard things get, is something I aspire to.
    But it was also the idea of challenge. The ability to learn and adapt. To tweak one's actions till they succeed.

    Then I chose Chrono.
    He might be essentially a shell character, BUT, its the game he represents that is important.
    The game in a nutshell involves a lot of time travel, looking to the past in order to secure the future.
    Thats me. I play old videogames all the time, I champion the preservation of videogames.
    I'm no historian, but I can appreciate the significance of history. It is important to be able to learn from the past. To be able to have exisiting idea materials, that can be tweaked, improved and repurposed.

    Finally the spiderweb.
    Its simple really. Its symbolic for the interconnectedness of life.
    Thats kind of how my brain works. I make connections. I compare things. I try to tie up concepts together.
    When I did English, I was the one who explained the metaphor, connected the author's ideas together to find further significance.
    And again, videogames involve quite a bit of that. Puzzles. Things that can be connected together in order to acheive something.

    So, I guess maybe I overdid it a little. Maybe I overwhelmed some people, but I was still pretty upset, that everyone on my table just had this bug-eyed look. A sense of complete bewilderment at what I had done.

    You see I can be like that. I suck at mainstream academics, becuse I KNOW it was not meant for me.
    I'm not a cram-book. A sardine.
    I can't be pigeonholed into the same stuff other people do. I am quite wild.
    I'm rubbish at exams and non-group coursework, because I am a perfectionist.
    As soon as I have a time constraint, I panic.
    I can't just remember loads of things and just regurgitate them in essay blocks. Because I don't think like that.
    I'm a keen learner and researcher.
    When I FINALLY get into a piece of work, I won't quit until its either at a level I am about 90% satisfied with, or if I have to abandon it to try to scrape together another piece, (becuase I spent too much time on the first peice of work).

    I guess I am on a different plane of intelligence.
    Not on the super boffin wagon, but still very far apart from my fellow contemporaries at university.
    (Lets not forget, that quite a few people there are pretty smart. But again, those people tend to do well becuase they have a goal/direction/order in their minds, or they have a sort of collective intelligence. A group collaborating with each other to help each other get smart. I struggle to do either. Most of the time, I work alone, and I feel obligated to do everything else by myself without help. Heck, even when I'm stuck I won't ask anyone. I research until I get around it. I look on the topic forums, news threads, or just do more reading around the area until I understand it. The best group I ever was in was with the Swedish girls. They might have not understood me, but they respected me, and they had faith in me, but I could also trust them to do their part. We really got very good synergy with each other, even if they never were aware of it or didn't think much of it. (and I miss them. I miss that spirit :())
  • RetroVortex, I don't think what you're writing about is childish at all, nor is it any less of an issue than depression. Stress and worry are still horrible things to endure, and can be just as pernicious as depression can be.

    Your reasons behind your stress aren't juvenile either. A lot of things ride on whether or not you're successful in exams, and there's too much emphasis placed upon them in our modern, western education systems. This creates an enormous pressure for those of us who aren't particularly good at exams, or any sort of assessments with limited time restrictions.

    Some people, such as yourself, work best in a relaxed environment free of pressure and time limitations. Some people need time to formulate and fully cultivate ideas, and need to be given a chance to fully realize concepts, and to make their work all that it can be. But those who decide the curriculum structure ignorantly and stupidly don't consider these people. And thus, those with a different (but, by no means inferior) mode of operating are unfortunately forced into a one-size-fits-all system which simply doesn't suit them.

    You're the victim of an inequitable system, and you've got a right to be frustrated, annoyed and downright aggravated with the situation you're in.

    Edit: Still, with that being said, you shouldn't let yourself be demoralized by the system, I'm just saying that you have a right to be angry at it.
  • I felt for the majority of my life that I needed to apologize for my existence . It was probably the main factor In the decisions that I made ------ many of them not so healthy and at times destructive to my being. After many years I realized that happiness was only temporary . It is peace in Being that would become my goal. One small step at a time was easily attainable by me . Know that you are loved.
  • When I last started to grow a beard, I was thin. Today I shaved it off; I am fat!

    My diet hasn't changed too much in the intervening time so what is going on?! Is it just because I'm older? Is this the fate I must accept; being a fat bastard?!

    Oh gawd, am I low at the moment!

    I'm going to start starving myself and cut back on the drinking.
  • You didn't look that fat in the photos to me, though it wasn't a full body pic. It's not like you have quadruple chins. My face is "fatter" now, too, than it was when I was in my 20s, so it may be a natural result of aging. I haven't heard anyone complain that my face is too fat.

    (It's not how big your face is. It's what you do with it!)
  • WarpSpeed;584935 said:
    You didn't look that fat in the photos to me, though it wasn't a full body pic. It's not like you have quadruple chins. My face is "fatter" now, too, than it was when I was in my 20s, so it may be a natural result of aging.
    Aye, to be fair; my body isn't too bad... it's mainly in the face, which is why I was so shocked at how fat it's become once I shaved off my beard.

    As I fast approach the age of 30 (6 months to go), I'm starting to suspect that you are correct; it's the natural process of aging. Not that the extra weight stops being depressing as a result of this knowledge.

    None the less, I'm going to stop eating takeaways, cut back on the snack foods and severely cut back on alcohol (something which I should have done a long time ago).
  • User Avatar Image
    puzzlebox Telltale Staff
    Davies;584938 said:

    None the less, I'm going to stop eating takeaways, cut back on the snack foods and severely cut back on alcohol (something I should have done a long time ago).
    I also responded in the other thread, but those sound like positive things to do regardless of any effect on your appearance.
  • Nooo, not multi-quote!!! :eek:
    Davies;584130 said:
    Yeah, that's why I decided to make a video. I didn't think that simply typing my thoughts would have conveyed my depression to the extent that I'm feeling it. That's the problem with forums and the Internet in general; it can be very impersonal.
    On the other hand, it can be easier too. I only have one mate who I really talk to about this stuff, and I don't want to rely on him too much, so I whine on line instead. There's nothing to lose - it's not like they'll take the site down because of me... I hope ;)
    Davies;584130 said:

    I'm very sorry to hear that; have you got in touch with your GP/doctor regarding therapy or perhaps some form of medication (such as an anti-depressant)?
    Yeah. The second time I was sectioned I got put on a treatment order, included anti-ds and anxiolytics. Been on and off about 20 different things over the years. I really don't like them to be honest. If there's one thing I value, it's my ability to think, and they all seem to interfere with that. Whatever I'm on, my chess ability will go down, I'll be less able to concentrate, and I won't be able to learn as much ("There were originally 4 rice krispies elves. The fourth, pow, represented the explosive nutritional content." - My life is for meaningless but interesting facts like that :D).
    There's also a bit of conflict between me and the Psychs because I don't personally believe depression in the medical sense exists. I think most people have perfectly legitimate reasons for unhappiness, and this could be worked out and have things improved. That seems to be lost when we just label someone as ill, give medication and leave it to be corrected as you would fix an insulin deficiency or an infection.
    I've had maybe 100 sessions with Psychologists/Counsellors/etc. instead. These are more pleasant, but doesn't do much. I think partly it's because I studied/study Psychology, and so much like a magician trying to perform to an audience of magicians, a lot of the impact is lost.
    Davies;584130 said:

    Well, since posting my earlier video I decided to cheer myself up by writing the first draft of a short story that's been on my mind for well over a year now. I'm going to do a couple more passes on it in order to tighten it up and then I'll be recording a reading and posting it online for people to listen to. That's generally the key to cheering me up; creativity (that and booze but drinking is a very temporary solution and not good for you).

    Also, as you say; music's good too. Though, I'm never sure if I should put on an album which reflects my mood, such as Dark Side of the Moon or a happy upbeat album, in opposition to my mood.
    Oh wow. Have you ever looked to getting something published? A load of magazines will publish amateur short stories. I'd be really proud if I could write. I can do music kinda (song last year about RatherDashing - ).

    And that's a shame about doodo! being banned.
  • doodinthemood;585094 said:
    Oh wow. Have you ever looked to getting something published? A load of magazines will publish amateur short stories.
    It's actually something I've considered doing but I want to get as much practice as possible in first. If you haven't already, then please let me know what you think of my short story here.

    Any feedback will be extremely useful. Thanks.
    doodinthemood;585094 said:
    I'd be really proud if I could write. I can do music kinda...
    Funnily enough, I'd be really proud if I could play piano to the standard that you do. Sure, I can knock out a few power chords on guitar but I'm noting special. I believe that no matter what someone's talent is, they'll always be looking in envy towards someone else's talent.
    doodinthemood;585094 said:
    That was great, in spite of some minor technical problems. Also, I've left a comment underneath the video.
    doodinthemood;585094 said:
    And that's a shame about doodo! being banned.
    Aye, it certainly is. I suspect that Doodo! could have made use of this thead to some extent. Wherever he is, I hope he's happy.
  • after suffering from major depressive episodes I know that there is a vast difference between unhappiness and depression . Unhappiness does not put you into a hellhole that permeates your entire being . I am so very happy to get relief. Yes I am a a less compassionate person and I miss that part of me but I laugh ,smile and dance now and am thankful for having lived my life. When I say "know that you are loved" I do not mean it in a trite ,,superficial way. The fact that you are sharing says that you love yourself enough to share. The fact that strangers will spend time reading and responding says that they Love
    You. Not the mushy ,gooey , at times hypocritical love , but you are a fellow human being and i will take some of the precious limited minutes of my life and hope my words will give you an iota of peace. Peace to you .
Add Comment