User Avatar Image

Rate The Last Movie(s) You Watched

posted by Secret Fawful on - last edited - Viewed by 56.3K users
Same as the Rate the Last Game You Finished topic but with movies. There should be more film talk around here. So, I'll start off with the movies I've seen in the past few days.

Law-Abiding Citizen - 5.5/11

Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World - 7/11

Sword of the Stranger - 9/11

Blade Runner: Final Cut - 11/11

Blade Runner is one of those films I want to love but also want to hate.
1.8K Comments - Linear Discussion: Classic Style
  • So uh, did that review ever get done? I'm hankering for an in-depth dissection of it.

    Writing it up today.
  • Don't Watch This Movie: Movie 43
    Rating: Good gods, don't watch this movie.

    I want to read off a list of Hollywood names that are in this movie. Tell me if you recognize any of them.

    Elizabeth Banks
    Halle Berry
    Kate Bosworth
    Gerard Butler
    Richard Gere
    Hugh Jackman
    Johnny Knoxville
    Liev Schreiber
    Seann William Scott
    Emma Stone
    Uma Thurman
    Naomi Watts
    Kate Winslet

    These are only a few of the Holly wood names attached to this film. Now, let me break down the movie for you. It's framed as a crazed man pitching movie ideas to a studio director, in the hope of getting a deal signed. These are the pitches:

    1.) A blind date goes awry when the man removes his scarf and reveals his scrotum is actually hanging from his neck.
    2.) A homeschooling couple try to get their child to have the full high school experience. This involves his dad trying to come out as homosexual to his son, his mother trying to get a first awkward kiss from him before asking if he has protection, and holding huge school parties in which his dad makes out with the son's crush.
    3.) A couple finally decides to become physically intimate when she asks if he'll poop on her, which leads to him eating tons of Mexican food for the big night.
    4.) Halle Barry goes on a blind date that escalates into a bizarre truth or dare, in which she shoots hot sauce into her privates, and he gets offensive surgery to look 'Chinese'. Also, she makes guacamole with her breast.
    5.) Robin goes to a speed dating night where Batman insults him as he tries to get dates and spends half the time describing Supergirl's privates to him from beneath a table.
    6.) A black basketball team is rallied to defeat their white opponents, because this is basketball, they're black, the other team's white, so the outcome is obvious.
    7.) A cat in love with its master self pleasures itself furiously to images of him, then tries to kill the woman he's in love with.

    W T F!!!

    There are a few others but I think I hit most of them. They're a series of about ten to fifteen minute skits set within the narrative frame of a series of movie pitches. Many are just unfunny. The problem is that there's no setup. You can have askew, gross humor, but there has to be a buildup, a setup. Because all of the jokes are just skits it's like the writers jumped straight to the punchline, forgetting that what makes a movie memorable is everything around the punchline. The setup of the joke is important, and there's no setup, just a shotgun blast of absurd and often times unfunny skits.

    I mean, what else can I criticize? There's no camera work worth nothing, no dramatics, no real need for acting to be done, no actual soundtrack that I can even remember. It's as if they took Family Guy, with its series of cutaway skits and jokes, and extended the episode over an hour and a half. The final product is really, really terrible. I can see all the Yes Men that surrounded these actors, telling them they were doing fantastic jobs, when the final product was actually just garbage. The funniest skit is probably one involving a girl getting her first period because, at least for that skit, it's grounded in something identifiable. All the men involved with the situation come across as men often do, uncomfortable with the topic. My friend argues the scrotum skit that opens the movie is the funniest, and I guess she might be right, if you think Kate Winslet with a pair of scrotum set aside her head is funny.

    There are funny parts, don't get me wrong, but I found myself checking my watch multiple times waiting for the movie to end, and that's never a good sign. Do yourself a favor and just, please, avoid this movie. Don't give money to the studio and people that thought this was a good idea. Because they are robbing you of cash. You will walk out, poorer not only financially, but poorer in spirit. There's nothing like sending you off on a Friday night than realizing you paid to see a cat masturbate.

    Rating: Dears gods, just don't. Don't watch it. Don't rent it. Don't.

  • Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

    I think this is now one of my favorite movies. There's your rating.

    It was chock full of ridiculous dark humor, it kept surprising me, and it managed to weave it all around a fun murder mystery that was all over the place.
  • I think the worst thing about Movie 43 is that they used Nananana to advertise it. Because I actually kinda like that song.
  • User Avatar Image
    Vainamoinen Moderator
    Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

    I think this is now one of my favorite movies. There's your rating.

    Well deserved. Shane Black has not written a better movie, and that's saying something. KKBB should have been a trilogy, in my opinion. Well... I guess Robert Downey has other roles these days.

    But what about that Michelle Monaghan, eh? I believed every single one of her emotions. Wonderful actress. As in, ACTRESS.
  • Hugo.


    My gods I cried about five times in the movie.
  • Dredd 3D - I love it, shooting and blood and explosion and action!!! Lol i did not expect such a great show from this brand :)
  • 2012 Theater Wrap-Up Scores:

    Django Unchained - 10/10
    Dredd - 9/10
    The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (real score) - 8/10
    The Avengers - 8/10
    Paranorman - 7/10
    The Cabin in the Woods - 7/10
    Chronicle - 7/10
    John Carter - 6/10
    The Dark Knight Rises - 6/10
    Prometheus - 6/10
    The Three Stooges - 6/10
    Twilight: Breaking Dawn: Part 2 - 5/10
    The Lorax - 3/10
    The Amazing Spider-Man - 2/10

    I don't care about Looper or Skyfall, and have yet to see Beasts of the Southern Wild and the Raid.
  • Wreck it Ralph - 9/10

    So it finally arrived in Danish cinemas, and after the hunt for a cinema that would actually show it in its original language I could finally go and see it.

    And I loved it to bits, the movie is so adorable. The story is amazing, it has a consistent theme throughout the whole thing.
    All of the characters are memorable, I loved the connections between the various characters especially the connection between Vanellope and Ralph.
    I laughed many times over, and even cried a little one time.

    It was great to try and spot all the game cameos and references, and as I am an avid gamer I could spot a few of them.

    The moment Fix-it Felix Jr. started to talk I just knew I had heard the voice somewhere, but I just couldn't place it. The name in the credits did not help much. It was not until I came home and did a google search I could slap my self in the face. It was of course Kenneth Parcell from 30 Rock, the show I watch a bit of every morning, duh.
Add Comment