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Let's Play 'Flight of the Amazon Queen'

posted by St_Eddie on - last edited - Viewed by 20.4K users
[CENTER]Let's Play 'Flight of the Amazon Queen'

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I first purchased this game as a 13 year old kid, back in 1995. Although I have completed it a couple of times, it's been many years since I last did so. Therefore, replaying this game is sure to feel rather fresh.

The only other thing I want to say before we begin is that I genuinely enjoy playing this game and have very fond memories of it. I only say this because the tone of this let's play will be fairly humorous and at times, playfully mocking but I wouldn't want anyone to think that I was slagging off the game.

Without further adieu, let's get started...

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The game certainly doesn't try to break convention as we start on a cut-scene; where we find our smart mouthed hero, Joe King (it's best to get used to the cringe inducing puns in this game), pilot for hire, tied up in a warehouse with his date.

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The reason they are tied up is because the lady is the girlfriend of a walking cliché of a mob boss. He found out about his girl's infidelity and was none too pleased to say the least. Also, it's interesting to see that Prince has an uncredited cameo as the gangster on the right!

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"You Dirty Rat!"

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The gangster has avoided common sense by failing to shoot them (well actually common sense would be filing for divorce but gangsters are prone to becoming a bit grumpy) and has instead rigged up a bomb to explode. It looks like curtains for our dating couple and the tension is palpable. Of course this is still the opening cinematic, so we know that Joe will be okay.

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Our saving grace comes in the form a very ungraceful entrance. Standing in a bathtub (for some inexplicable reason) is our good pal, Sparky; who enters by crashing through the roof.

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The warehouse explodes moments after we make our escape, with the mob boss still inside. You'd think that he would have vacated the premises considering he set the bomb to go off but I've come to the conclusion that he probably suffers from short term memory loss.

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Rather than taking a much deserved day off work, Joe is more concerned with collecting his latest paying passenger; the famous movie star, Faye Russel. You certainly couldn't say that he's not dedicated to his job.

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However, once we arrive at the venue where Faye is staying we find Anderson standing in her dressing room. Everyone has an arch-nemesis; David has Goliath, Holmes has Moriarty, Wile E. Coyote has Road Runner and Joe has Anderson (a rival pilot for hire).

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Anderson explains that he intends to steal Faye away from us, as his own passenger. He then locks the door (which is made of solid steal... um, why?!), thus trapping us in the room.

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And so the true adventure begins. Currently Joe is carrying his diary (used to save and load games) and a baseball bat. I'm not sure as to why Joe carries a bat with him. Maybe he's prone to a spot of impromptu baseball!

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"Nah, I carry this partly out of... I don't know. What's the word?"
"Affectation?"
"Right."


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I decide that the bat may be put to good use by smashing the window to the right but Joe informs me that it's made of bullet-proof glass! This is getting ridiculous, why in tarnation does Faye Russel need a solid steal door and a bullet-proof glass window?! Is she a high priority target for the assassins of the world? I can only assume that she's received death threats from an obsessed fan (the same kind that I regularly send to Charlize Theron).

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Seeming as I can't break the window, perhaps I can shout to my pal Sparky for help, who's stood outside reading his favourite comic, 'Commander Rocket'. My attempts to gain his attention are fruitless however because the glass is not only bullet-proof but also sound-proof (but of course).

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All is not lost however as upon picking up some sheets strewn across the floor, I discover a laundry shoot. Now call me over-zealous when it comes to health and safety if you like, but isn't a GIANT FUCKING HOLE IN THE GROUND just a tad dangerous?! Never-mind, at least it's an escape route.

I knot the two sheets together, tie them to the nearby radiator and descend the chute.

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Wwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....

... hold on! If I'm simply sliding down the chute, then why in blazes did I need to tie together those sheets?! Ho hum, a slide's always fun so I'm not going to complain.

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Being the sex crazed (and starved) maniac that I am, the first thing that I'm interested in investigating are these novelty boobies (heh heh... boobies)! I pick up a pair (they might come in handy on a cold, lonely winters night) and admire the unbeatable craftsmanship...

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"Unbeatable? Au contraire."

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Anywayyyyyy... I take the stairs up to the lobby but unfortunately my escape route is being guarded by a couple more gangsters. I immediately spy a rather handy key on the bell boy's desk and attempt to pick it up. Naturally, the staff is not going to let that happen so I talk to him and exhaust all of the dialogue options but to no avail.

I also try to press the bell on the desk but it cannot be achieved, which is a shame because I love to ring the desk bell multiple times in adventure games when the assistant is already standing there. It usually winds them up to no end! You've missed a trick here, developers.

It's worth pointing out that the bell boy's voice sounds like a cross between these two...

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Kermit the Frog (anthropomorphised frog thing)

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Beek Nariz (the elephant man's uglier brother)

... You'd think that the manager of the venue would want to have someone with a slightly less ludicrous voice manning the front desk but clearly the manager is an equal opportunities employer, so I'm not going to berate him for being a nice chap.

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Feeling as though I'm now out of options, I attempt to sneak past the gangsters but they spot me. The short one sounds just like Marlon Brando and the tall one looks like David Prowse in 'The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy' (as evidenced at 2:15 in this clip). Therefore, I shall henceforth refer to them as Brando & Prowse.

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Brando & Prowse lock me back in Faye's room and... remove my clothes. They claim that this might discourage me from attempting to escape again but quite frankly, I have my suspicions that they're just a couple of horny perverts!

I then spend the next 10 minutes wondering back and forth between the different areas, absolutely clueless as to what I need to do next. Out of desperation, I try interacting with every object in every logical way possible... still no luck.

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Then I try talking to the bell boy again, only to find a new dialogue option. It turns out that you have to look at the key before this option will appear! Grr... bloody adventure games!

Anyway, now that I have the key to the dressing room; I head on down there...

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... to be confronted by Joe's ex-girlfriend, Lola. She's awful mad at Joe for dumping her and the two have a humorous back and forth.

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Lola hops in to the shower and conveniently has her private areas covered by patches of steam on the glass (how very 'Austin Powers'). Lola agrees to help us escape if we retrieve a towel for her (I guess she's rather easily pleased). Luckily, I have one to hand and Lola soon explains her plan to us.

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The plan is to dress me Joe up in ladies clothing, so that I can pass the gangsters upstairs unnoticed. Joe attaches the boobies (heh heh... boobies), puts on a wig found in Faye's room and slips on the dress.

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A 'Maniac Mansion' style cut-scene is triggered...

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... in which we are introduced to a quite clearly insane Doctor named Ironstein (I did warn you about the awful puns). However, for the purposes of this let's play, I shall call him Dr. Fruitloop.

Speaking to his lackey, Dr. Fruitloop explains his retarded genius master plan to turn Amazonian women into dinosaur people. I'm sure it's a dream we've all had at some point or another, right alongside world peace and sleeping with Charlize Theron.

In order to show the process of the transformation to the player his lackey, Dr. Fruitloop fires up the machine...

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"Transmogrification process initiated."
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I couldn't help but notice that the sound that the machine makes is the same iconic sound effect made by the opening of doors in 'Doom'. Tsk tsk, developers!

Dr. Fruitloop then explains that he will now activate the 'Aggression Enhancer'...
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... but he's clearly not left the beta stage of development yet!

Sadly for Dr. Fruitloop (but thankfully for the women of the Amazon) he's run out of test subjects. Unfortunately that's not going to stop an ambitious young ancient go-getter like Dr. Fruitloop though...

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Seriously, this guy's so corny that I'm surprised the developers didn't have him cackle in an evil manner...

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... oh, they did.

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The cut-scene has finished and we return to Joe Joanne, as we prepare to exit the hotel. We succeed and Sparky drives us away but the goons do a double-take and realise that was no lady!

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Marlon & Prowse give chase and open fire at Joe. Because this is an adventure game, they're shots are less on target than a blind Stormtrooper's.

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"Hey! I'd totally blow your head off for that remark... if I wasn't such a rubbish shot!"

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Luckily there's a canister of oil on the back of the truck, so I chuck it at the car and it's "adios amigos". That just leaves one thing; for Joe to make a Schwarzenegger-esque quip...

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Pure poetry!

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We catch up with Anderson (the cad!) just as he's about to fly away with Faye using our plane (the extra-double-bastard cad).

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Joe uses his subtle negotiation skills to... punch Anderson out cold. Sparky then appears to join us on our flight.

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Nuts! Our plane has been hit by lightning and it looks like we're going down...

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Hmm, I sense the beginning of a familiar relationship ...


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Well, that's it for Part 1.[/CENTER]
165 Comments - Linear Discussion: Classic Style
  • User Avatar Image
    puzzlebox Telltale Staff
    Davies, this is awesome! Sat at my desk grinning the whole way through (I think my favourite part in this installment was Paul Hogan). Very much hope you manage to do Part 6 at some point!
  • Hey all, I'm typing this post on my sister's computer and then I'll be disappearing again into the ether for a while...

    Thanks so much for the kind comments as always, folks. :)

    I've got some exciting (well exciting to myself at least) plans for the continuation of this Let's Play. It will be sometime until I'll have access to a computer to upload the next instalment but I'll be working on the gags and whatnot in the meantime.

    I hope to catch up with you all within the next couple of months.

    Take care all.
  • It's the DAVIES! A ballad for you, Davies.

    Chorus: Davies!

    Davies, have you always been alone?

    Chorus: Davies!

    Davies, have you never loved again?
    Love will live on, oh oh oh...
    Life must go on, oh oh oh...
    For you cannot spend your life regretting.

    Chorus: Davies!

    Davies, you must face another day.

    Chorus: Davies!

    Davies, now your love has gone away.
    Once you loved her, whoa-oh...
    Now you've lost her, whoa-oh-oh-oh...
    But you've lost her for-ever, Davies.

    When there are clouds in the skies, and they are grey.
    You may be sad but remember that love will pass away.

    Oh Davies!
    After the showers the sun
    Will be shining...

    [instrumental solo]

    Once you loved her, whoa-oh...
    Now you've lost her, whoa-oh-oh-oh...
    But you've lost her for-ever, Davies.

    When there are clouds in the skies, and they are grey.
    You may be sad but remember that love will pass away.
    Oh Davies!
    After the showers the sun
    Will be shining...
    Davies!
    Oh oh oh Davies!
    You must go on,
    Oh oh oh Davies...
  • User Avatar Image
    Jennifer Moderator
    St_Eddie;758778 said:
    I've got some exciting (well exciting to myself at least) plans for the continuation of this Let's Play. It will be sometime until I'll have access to a computer to upload the next instalment but I'll be working on the gags and whatnot in the meantime.
    Can't wait. :D
  • Hey all, Part 6 of this let's play is coming along quite nicely. I've done the hard work (playing through the next section of the game, taking screengrabs, reformatting them and uploading them to ImageShack).

    Unfortunately there aren't too many opportunities for gags with the material given during this section of the game but I'll do my best and come up with something!

    Part 6 will be uploaded by some point tomorrow...
  • Yays! Some good news at last!
  • St_Eddie;784051 said:
    Unfortunately there aren't too many opportunities for gags with the material given during this section of the game but I'll do my best and come up with something!
    Oh, that's easy! Just keep putting this guy up every time there's a lull.

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  • [CENTER]Let’s Play ‘Flight of the Amazon Queen’
    Part 6: ‘The Part That Comes After Part 5 But Before Part 7


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    It’s time to make our way over to Floda Inc. The “lederhosen factory” that acts as a cover for the secret lab of Dr. Fruitloop and his crazy experiments. My mission is to gain entry and rescue Princess Azura.

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    Before entering the main building, I attempt to access the shed to the left. Unfortunately the guard dog won’t allow me to pass. Such an original concept for an adventure game puzzle…

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    …Like I said; original!

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    Leaving the plagiaristic pooch for the time being, I enter the main facility.

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    Inside the lobby of the main building, I walk up to the surly looking receptionist and ask for assistance.

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    HEY! Don’t be so rude! That “fat guy” has a name you know! It’s ‘Trader Slob the Grotesque’ I’ll thank you to remember.

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    The receptionist enquires as to whether I’m a fumigator that Floda Inc. is expecting. An Amazonian jungle fumigator service?! I bet the business is just raking in!

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    Not one to miss an opportunity (unless that opportunity involves being a decent human being), Joe claims to be said fumigator in order to gain access to the staff area of the building. The plan works.

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    You should have gone to SpecSavers, love. I ain’t carrying shit!

    Before proceeding onwards, Joe spies a pencil on the receptionists desk and can’t resist making a quick joke…

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    With his “joke” told and the sound of crickets still ringing in the air, Joe makes a hasty retreat through the door to the right…

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    … Only to encounter a glitch in the sytem.

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    ”Joe, let me tell you about the matrix”

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    Entering the kitchen, Joe is confronted by a chef. Luckily, a quick repeat of the “fumigator” line is enough to satisfy his curiosity.

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    The chef goes on to explain that he’s having trouble coming up with a meal for a member of staff who’s suffering from sensitive teeth. I hand the banana over from my inventory and explain its virtues…

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    Joe could almost be describing the chef here. Well, sans the “low on calories” part.

    The chef leaves the kitchen to go and deliver the banana. I’m sure that the hungry staff member will be absolutely thrilled when their meal arrives and won’t be disappointed at all that it consists of a solitary piece of fruit.

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    ”Banana Surprise - the surprise is; there’s nothing in it except the banana”

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    Quick question, why is the table and sink in front of Joe so damn big?! I guess it’s because the developers screwed up the scaling on this screen the sink is the latest model and has a new feature; it doubles up as a bath.

    Anyway, before returning to the lobby in order to go through a different door, I grab a tin of dog food (which is sure to be useful for getting past the pooch outside). I also take some cheese snacks because hey, I like cheese snacks.

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    I enter the library and look at the grandfather clock, only to discover that Joe is apparently an expert on fraudulent antiques. This is sloppy writing on the developers part Antiques must have been Joe's major at University I guess.

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    Looking down the back of the coach, Joe discovers some cash.

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    ”Nice”

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    Um, say what, Joe? Just put the money in your pocket, you walking testicle! I simply don’t get it; are you afraid that you won’t be able to carry anymore than you already are? I mean, you’ll lug a fucking vacuum cleaner around half of the fucking Amazon jungle but a couple of coins?! ”Oh no, I couldn’t possibly fit those itsy bitsy little coins in my pocket”.

    For fucks sakes, you’re in the process of infiltrating a madman’s lair; time is of the essence and yet you’re under the delusional impression that it’s a guarantee that you’ll just be able to stroll back at anytime you like to pick that money up. You’re a fucking gormless erection, Mr. King.

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    Reading GameFAQs reminds me that Looking at the record player in the room reminds me that there’s a record for sale at Trader Slob’s. I best go buy it…

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    I severely doubt that the developers were aware of the irony regarding this remark considering that the background music playing in this location (and throughout most of the game) is essentially elevator muzak. The developers make a clever meta in-joke at this point in the game. It’s very witty.

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    I’m not sure that “like” is the right word.

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    I return to the library at Floda Inc. and play the record, which in turn uncovers a secret elevator. Why was the specific record that’s required to reveal the elevator, up for sale at Trader Slob’s? Well, obviously an employee of Floda Inc. must have pawned the record that grants access to the underground laboratory in exchange for some beef jerky. Obviously.

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    Before descending, I attempt to pick up the cash again (seeming as I’ve now spent some money at Trader Slob’s) and this time little Joey-Woahy obliges. The loveable, little cun…

    …ning so-and-so.

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    The elevator starts to descend, very slowly, down from the top of the screen…

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    … and 30 seconds later it reaches the bottom of the screen. I shit you not, I timed it; 30 seconds just to get from one end of the screen to the other! THIRTY LONG, TEDIOUS, DRAWN-OUT SECONDS!

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    Thankfully, Joe is able to reach the bottom of the elevator shaft before dying of starvation. Actually, I’m not so sure that I am all that thankful!

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    I enter the first door in a long corridor and find myself in the sleeping quarters. I open a nearby mail bag and find a literal ‘Dear John’ letter inside.

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    Okay, what the heck is that object on top of the locker? It looks like you should be able to interact with it and yet you can’t! Odd.

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    Inside the locker, Joe finds some kinky paraphernalia.

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    Yeah, what the heck would a twisted pervert like you want with a bunch of S&M gear, Joe?!

    Putting to one side Joe’s absolutely pathetic attempts to appear as a non-sexually perverse creep, I take a squeaky toy from the locker and continue down the main corridor and come across a guard…

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    As Obnoxious as always honest as always, Joe.

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    Hmm. Looks like we’ll need to find a way to distract the guard. I start by introducing myself…

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    Oh! Well, that really taxed my brain cells. Clearly I must give the ‘Dear John’ letter to John.

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    I hand the letter over to Johnny boy. Which is achieved through a conversational option which appears automatically, as if the puzzle wasn’t already easy enough!

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    Who are you kidding, John?! You don't have a girlfriend. It's a letter from your Grandma and you know it.

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    Well, old Grandma does needs her meds.

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    Joe enters the now unguarded room, leaving John in tears.

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    ”Are you a wimpy little chicken wuss who bawls their eyes out on a regular basis?
    Are you neglectful of vital duties whilst working?
    Would you enjoy working for an insane old fucker who says “nyah ha ha haar” after every sentence?
    DR. FRUITLOOP NEEDS YOU"


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    Moving on, I enter the “crate room” from the ending of ’Raiders of the Lost Ark.

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    The one and only time this setting has been used within an Indiana Jones movie. Shhh! I said the ONE and ONLY!

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    What do I find inside one of the crates? The Ark of the Covenant perhaps? …No, a sodding left-handed tin opener. Oh well, at least it wasn’t some stupid, out of place alien. Sorry… interdimensional being!

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    Entering another room, I come across a staff roaster and duly make a mental note of the details. Fun times.

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    In the next room I move a cabinet to reveal safe, which I can’t open yet. Oh, such fun..

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    Moving on, I’m halted by this guard.

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    Using the knowledge of the roaster to my advantage, I send the guard off to the kitchen to report to Colonel Jackson.

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    Oh, I won’t…

    1 MINUTE LATER…
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    A cutscene kicks in as I leave the room.

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    Dr. Fruitloop! Yay!

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    The doc is watching a small dinosaur work it’s way through a maze as it tries to find a piece of cheese.

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    Dinosaurs; well known for being partial to a bit of cheddar

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    Mice; feared for their craving of flesh

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    That terrible cad, Anderson enters the room. I’m assuming that he’s in league with Dr. Fruitloop but I honestly can’t remember if this was ever revealed to the player earlier on in the game or not! I’m almost certain that it wasn’t, which is odd because this cutscene doesn't even bring up the obvious questions of "how?" and "why?" Hmm.

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    Ohhh, I know, I know! It’s a Dino Rat.

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    See told you.

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    Ah, smug mode engaged

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    The Dino Rat certainly makes for a less scary hybrid than Dr. Fruitloop’s first genetic experiment…

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    Part woman.
    Part horse.
    All nightmare


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    The Dino Rat scarpers off. No doubt ravenous for more cheesy goodness.

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    Absolutely. After-all, the guards in this facility are truly the crème de la crème…

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    Oh, right.

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    …”and is sure to be the number one kid’s toy this Christmas.”

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    Dr. Fruitloop starts to explain a painful memory from his past.

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    When they laughed at you did they say “nyah ha ha haar”?

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    The cutscene ends and we return to Joe, who has now entered a new room and is examining a poster detailing Dr Fruitloop’s master plan. For a master plan, it’s not very masterful is it?!

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    I spy a book sat on the table and attempt to open it but alas, it’s locked.

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    Not to worry though, a quick shimmy with my scissors soon opens up the tome, revealing a hidden key inside.

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    Apparently Dr. Fruitloop’s security measures are equal to those of a 7 year old child.

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    I leave the room and head towards a fire exit.

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    Inside the next area is an empty vial that once contained something called ‘Super-Soldier-Serum’. I guess that Dr. Fruitloop truly has the mind of a 7 year old because he names his serums after children’s playthings. Being that it’s empty I leave it be.

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    However, there is a full vial of the antidote for Super-Soldier-Serum. Because this is an adventure game and it’s not nailed down, I take it and go up stairs to the right.

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    Upon entering this room, my first thought isn’t “ah ha! It’s Princess Azura, the woman I came to rescue” but rather “the fire exit leads to a fucking dead end! What incredible health and Safety practices!”

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    ”By Azura, by Azura, by Azura. It’s the Princess! I can’t believe it’s you! Standing here! Next to me!”

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    Joe tells the Princess that he’s the fumigator. Um, why lie to her, Joe? You fucking dolt!

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    Woah! A ‘Star Wars’ reference! That’s so out there. How do the developers come up with this stuff?

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    In the process of continuing the tired awesome ‘Star Wars’ reference, Joe finally comes clean with his true identity. He’s still a fucking dolt though.

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    Let me guess, Joe; along with Amazonian women, you don’t believe in Princesses? Anyway, I proceed to ask about Dr. Fruitloop…

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    Go on...

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    Well, you sure seem awfully happy about it!

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    I get bored of the conversation and initiate another game of ‘nipple rubs’ with my mouse cursor.

    Oh, those nips. Those lovely little nips.
    I’d like to eat them up, like a pair of delicious pips.
    As I rub them with my mouse;
    I start to feel like a louse.
    Think my penis is going to need a serious douse.

    *AHEM*

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    Now that I have finished with your nipples… I shall.

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    I look at the cabinet to the left but Joe informs me that it’s locked.

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    However, I can open it without any problems even though it’s “locked”. It's empty though, so the cabinet in fact entirely worthless.

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    I use the key that I found in the book to open the cell door.

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    Damn straight.

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    Azura gives Joe a quick peck on cheek.

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    That’s not enough for Mr. Rapist King though…

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    Joe pushes royalty over and goes in for the kill. He shoves his tongue down her throat until he can taste her breakfast.

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    Look at the terror on her face! This is sick!

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    I wouldn’t worry about Joe, Sparky. He is a jungle beast; he’s a sexual predator and he currently has his prey pinned down.

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    Uhhh. Apparently she likes it!

    Things That Every Woman Loves
    * Chocalotes
    * Flowers
    * Puppies
    * Being raped by a creep-a-zoid

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    As the twosome attempt to make their escape; the alarm is sounded and the exit sealed.

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    Ooohhhh, cliffhanger. Seems like a good place to save…

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    Well, that’s it for Part 6.[/CENTER]
  • User Avatar Image
    Jennifer Moderator
    St_Eddie;784344 said:
    Quick question, why is the table and sink in front of Joe so damn big?! I guess it’s because the developers screwed up the scaling on this screen the sink is the latest model and as a new feature; it doubles up as a bath.
    Heh, now I'll never be able to see that screen in the same way again. :p

    As you pointed out, the developers were obviously trying to do art in perspective, like LucasArts and Sierra often did with their art. Except in those games, the objects in front of the camera that appeared larger (as if to imply that they were closer to the "lens") were up and out of the reach of the main character (since the characters never walked near the "camera" (else they'd have to scale in size too as they got closer). It really doesn't work when the object is directly in front of the main character, and especially doesn't work when it contains an object that is meant to be picked up.

    It's actually a good lesson of what not to do. I remember when I was a child, I always thought that it was a waste of space to not be able to interact with those kinds of objects. Now, I know better in that it's purely aesthetic and having them be interact-able (other than "look" of course), ruins the perspective of the whole thing.
  • User Avatar Image
    puzzlebox Telltale Staff
    Perfect timing for my Friday afternoon! I lol'ed pretty hard at the "Don't touch anything / 1 minute later" part (yeah, I'm a total juvenile). Again, thanks for continuing with these - I really enjoy them!
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