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Joke Thread

posted by Noname215 on - last edited - Viewed by 3K users
On these forums, we’re all comedians, so I figured we could have a thread where we share jokes.

I’ll start.

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel down the front of his pants. The bartender says, “What’s that there for?” The pirate says, “Arr, it’s drivin’ me nuts!"
97 Comments - Linear Discussion: Classic Style
  • My dog sucks. I call her Egypt because she leaves a pyramid in every room.
  • What is the best kind of comedy? Dark, screwball, or slapstick?
  • A French-Speaking man is on vacation in America and decides to visit the aquarium. He gets excited when he sees a seal in one of the glass tanks.

    He is later escorted from the premises.
  • A blonde walks into an ice cream store.

    Blonde: Could I have one gallon of vanilla, one gallon of strawberry, and one gallon of chocolate.

    Ice Cream guy: Sorry, we’re out of vanilla.

    Blonde: Well, then could I have one pint of vanilla, one pint of strawberry, and one pint of chocolate?

    Ice Cream guy: I just told you there isn’t any chocolate left.

    Blonde: Well, I’ll one scoop of vanilla, one scoop of strawberry, and one scoop of chocolate.

    Ice Cream guy: Ugh. Look, do you know how to spell the VAN in vanilla?

    Blonde: Yeah. V-A-N.

    Ice Cream guy: Can you spell the STRAW in strawberry?

    Blonde: Certainly. S-T-R-A-W.

    Ice Cream guy: Good. Now, can you spell the FUCK in chocolate?

    Blonde. There is no fuck in chocolate.

    Ice Cream guy: THAT’S WHAT I’M SAYING, BITCH!
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    Jennifer Moderator
    Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella? Fo drizzle!
  • Two very,very smashed men are coming home from the pub. They fall on a railway and start crawling on it.
    "God, these stairs seem to go forever!", says the first man.
    "Don't worry..." ,says the second man, "...I see the elevator coming"
  • Two elephants fall off a cliff.

    Boom boom.
  • Darth Marsden;804610 said:
    Two elephants fall off a cliff.

    Boom boom.
    This is a flagrant ripoff of my joke from earlier.
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    Jennifer Moderator
    What goes Fee Fi Fo Fee Fi Fo Fee? Mike Tyson giving out his phone number.
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